Impromptu Mom asked me why I was wearing an octopus, so I thought I should explain.See, I have really thick hair. Yeah, I know. You wish you had thick hair, too. Well, you only wish that because you don't.
Because if you did, you'd know that there's not much you can do with all this hair. It's either down and frizzy or up and frizzy, and since up and frizzy's easier to manage and takes less time, that's what I most often do, so I'm always looking for some kind of...something...to help reign my mane.
One day, while Bard and I were perusing the hair accessories aisle of the local Stuff*Mart, Bard pulled a very imposing-looking torture device from its peg. It looked like a big black spider, or an octopus, or that photo on the left. It was actually called an Octopus Clip. I didn't want to buy it.
"I'm not buying that thing," I announced.
"Why not? It's cool! It's for thick hair!" Retorted Bard, who inherited the thick hair thing, too.
"Because I can't put something that looks like...like...like that on my head. I spend a lot of time worrying about things that look like that. I've called your dad to come home from work so he could kill things that look like that. I think one of my biggest nightmares would be finding something like that in my hair. Put it back."
"C'mon," she badgered. "It's cool." She wriggled the thing in front of my face. "Maybe it will help me look cool, too."
And because I'm a guilt-ridden pushover, I bought it.
And once I had it home, I couldn't help myself. I tried it. Besides, I was late for work and desperate.
Wonder of wonders. It held my hair. All of my hair. It doesn't slip out. And I can actually operate it, unlike those chopstick things and french twist doo-dads that I buy and plunge into my tangle of tresses, either to break them in two or to give up and toss them in the "that was a waste" pile.
But not the octopus. It grabbed my hair with all eight legs and held on for dear life.
When I got to work, one of my co-workers commented on my new 'do. "It looks nice!" She said. Huh. Maybe this scary-looking thing and I can actually be friends, I thought. I introduced my co-worker to the octopus. They shook hands. All eight of them.
And now, I'm hooked. I've purchased several of the hideous-looking things, because I have a tendency to leave my hair accessories wherever I take them off and may not find them until I clean under the couch. Which may be never. Plus, with my luck, an Octopus Clip will attack some lady's head and she'll file a lawsuit claiming emotional damage and they'll take the clips off the market. And then I'll be stuck with french twist doo-dads and chopsticks and a frizzy down-do. I don't think I can go back.
And so, that is why one of the things I'm currently wearing is an octopus.
