"It may surprise parents who have not given much attention to the subject to discover also a code of education in the Gospels, expressly laid down by Christ. It is summed up in three commandments...Take heed that ye OFFEND not––DESPISE not––HINDER not––one of these little ones."
~Charlotte Mason
Are you out there? Because if you are, I'd love to hear your input on this one. What would it mean to "offend not, despise not, and hinder not one of these little ones?"
I am a mother frustrated by her teenage son's lack of self-motivation and self-governance. Tonight I am overwhelmingly disappointed with his ability to seek out injustices done to him, his proficiency in finding fault in others, but his habit of avoiding the responsibilities he has been given.
Simple things, really. Mom and Dad will be gone at small group for three hours. In that three-hour time frame, you will take a shower, put on your pajamas, finish your homework, pack your school bag, pack your gym bag, and set out your clean clothes for tomorrow. While we were gone, I accidentally left my cell phone in the car. Upon returning to the car, there were eight, yes EIGHT, phone calls from this boy, with messages indicating that older brother was being a jerk, that older brother was not letting him watch the DVD he wanted to watch, that older brother was still being a jerk EIGHT calls. FOUR messages. ONE frustrated mama, because when I returned home, the message-leaver hadn't done ANY of the things he'd been instructed to do, As a result, he lost the privilege of breakfast out with mom before catching the school bus.
Upon being reprimanded for his behavior, his response? "This is the kind of thing that would make me quit school," which resulted in an even stronger talking-to.
What breaks this cycle? And how does a parent interrupt such self-loathing, vindictive patterns of behavior without offending, despising or hindering the child?
My response tonight was outrage, anger and indignation.
Ephesians 4:26 says, "In your anger do not sin; Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry."
I'm not sure if I sinned in my anger tonight. I raised my voice. I expressed my deep disappointment with this boy's failure to do very clearly given, fair instructions without coercion or supervision. I became angry with the innocent in the situation.
So, yes, I suppose I did sin. And, yes, the sun is down (it was already down when I'd developed this anger), and I'm still angry.
Sometimes I wonder if I'll make it through this thing, this parenting of teenage boys, alive.
Heaven help me.
And you, dear reader, can help me, too.
I'd love to hear your feedback.
