Intermittent

My 1989 Dodge van has this unique feature.

It's called "intermittent."

When I turn on the windshield wipers, they swish back and forth in intervals. Yeah, I know. You'd like to think you have this feature, too, on your fancy Lexus or your brand new Mercedes. But I can almost guarantee that you don't, Buddy Boy.

See, MOST vehicles have an intermittent feature that causes the vehicle's windshield wipers to swish back and forth in REGULAR intervals. Betcha didn't catch that the first time around, did ya? REGULAR, as I'm sure you've figured out, is the key word here.

But not my van. I should be so lucky. When I twist the control handle, the wipers might flash back and forth at warp speed for a few seconds and then suddenly get too tired to go on any longer. Swish-swish-swish-swish----kaput.

Or they might give a nice, healthy swipe, maybe even two, and then...nada.

But wait! If I hold out for just a few more minutes (like I have a choice), they might decide to come on again for three or four passes, then more nothin', then a couple more, then a great big long expanse of nothin' followed by another interval of warp-speed. I keep trying to tell myself that my wipers have an internal moisture sensor that causes them to spring to life when needed. The fact that I have to peek between little rivers running down my windshield seems to indicate otherwise.

This really wouldn't be much of a big deal, since it only rains, oh, about every day during Spring in Ohio. Unless you've finally put your garden in, which means it won't rain for about three weeks. I mean, sure, it would be a pain to keep having to peek through those little windshield-rivers, but in a pinch I could handle intermittent--and I mean TRULY intermittent--windshield wipers.

The REAL problem for me, though, and I think you'll understand why, is the intermittent starter.

Now that, Buddy Boy, is a royal pain.