There are days when I'm up. I hate to be banal and cliche, but it really seems to happen when the sun is shining and there are whispy white clouds in the clear, blue sky.
On those days, I get so much done. Housecleaning, cooking, baking, shopping, gathering, planning, visiting...
But then, the clouds turn dark, and the pendulum swings the other way. I get impatient with my loved ones, get very little done, and I don't even care. At first. I just want to sleep it off.
After a couple of days of this, though, depression sets in. Not only am I down because of the gray sky and the dark clouds, but then I'm also overwhelmed by the work I didn't do while I was in my deepest funk. Dishes pile up, kids lose their discipline, dust overtakes my furniture and we all eat ramen noodles, which, I'm sure, makes us all feel so much better. As if.
Today, I seem to be nearing the bottom of the pendulum swing. I'm not completely down, but I'm not nearly up. I'm tired and unmotivated, and everything seems to take too long to do. I don't even want to curl up with a good book. I want to curl up with a mindless movie and a great big glass of icy Dr. Pepper. Give me my down pillow, my cotton blankie, and leave me the heck alone.
I know it's not hormones. Well, it might be, but if it is, I'm a freak of nature. I chart my cycles, so I know that now is supposed to be my peak time. I'm supposed to be full of energy, hopeful, gregarious. But I'm not. I'm just...tired and lazy.
If I took a "who are you" quiz right now, I'd be Eeyore. Without a doubt.
I don't want to believe that it's the weather. I know there are other factors that contribute to my feeling down, I just don't know what they are. And I don't really care.
But if it is the weather, I'm in for a long, long winter.
I wish we could bottle the sunshine. I wish we could take it whenever we started to feel down and depressed; just open it up and snort it in. But me, being the teetotaler that I am, never taking so much as a Tylenol unless I'm dieing, I'd rarely pull it from the shelf.
I'd just nurse my Dr. Pepper, curled up in a ball watching Sommersby and crying my eyes out, waiting until the blue skies returned.
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