A bruised reed He will not break, and a dimly burning wick He will not quench; He will bring forth justice in truth.
~Isaiah 42:3 (Amplified Bible)
Every once in a while, the honesty and intensity of a secular song grabs me and brings me to my knees like no Christian Contemporary song ever could. There's something about hearing another human being cry out, expose their soft insides, and when I hear that kind of vulnerability, it causes me to believe that the songwriter isn't writing for the audience, but is lifting his voice Up, if you know what I mean.
Many times, Coldplay songs speak to me this way. I'm not sure if songwriter Chris Martin intends for me to read so deeply into his writings, but I do. I can't help it. As a matter of fact, there are many secular songs that are absolutely saturated with spiritual messages, whether intentionally or not. To me, it's like the very rock[ers] are crying out. Maybe they don't even know it. Maybe they're compelled by Someone to speak to the heart of one such as me, to lament and hope and call upon God through something so spiritual and human and internal-made-external as music.
There was a time in my adulthood, when I thought I was in a place in my life where I could be referred to as a "mature Christian." But I allowed my eyes to be set too low; people I had trusted had very seriously let me down and disappointed me. And, as a result of my low sites, I began to doubt the significance of many things. And, eventually, I decided that there must not be a God. I had laid my troubles at His feet; I had asked Him to meet my physical needs; I had called out to Him for healing; I had put my trust in His people. As far as I was concerned, He had failed me. His people had failed me. It just wasn't worth believing in Him anymore. And for a time, I walked away. Completely.
Not many people know this about me.
For quite a while, I had to repattern my thinking. Believing in God is a strong habit to break, and I had to guard my heart at every turn. Where I had regularly spoken to Him in a kind of monologue-type prayer, I had to internalize my feelings. where I had seen Him everywhere before, I had to look for excuses for my lack of belief. Where once I had praised Him for His goodness, cried to Him for His assistance, thanked Him for his gifts, I inserted feelings of cynicism, anger, selfishness. What a state I was in!
And then, one day, I was working in the garden, and I looked down at my hands, things I had taken for granted all my life. Those hands were tools, not accidents. They were designed, not evolved. Someone had created me, crafted me, designed me in His image, had loved me enough to bring me to this place, this spinning ball of dirt and rocks inhabited by other fallen people just like me, where He, in His infinite wisdom, had even given me free will, by which I could even choose to deny Him. And there, in the garden, I started finding my way back to God.
Crawling back to God was difficult. For months after I had realized that I was missing Him, I felt like He was so distant, and though I knew He was there, I once again had to repattern my thinking. Now I see Him in the clouds, in the trees, in my children, my husband, my friends. I see Him in the morning and in the evening. I see Him in the words of a song that wasn't necessarily written to glorify Him, wasn't necessarily meant to speak of a heart that had once been lost, but now is found.
When I hear this song by Coldplay, I think of that time in my life. Maybe there's a reason why "Chris Martin" is an anagram for "Mr. Christian."
A warning sign
I missed the good part then I realised
I started looking and the bubble burst
I started looking for excuses
Come on in, I've gotta tell you what a state I'm in
I've gotta tell you in my loudest tones
That I started looking for a warning sign
When the truth is
I miss you
Yeah the truth is
That I miss you so
A warning sign
You came back to haunt me and I realised
That you were an island and I passed you by
And you were an island to discover
Come on in,I've gotta tell you what a state I'm in
I've gotta tell you in my loudest tones
That I started looking for a warning sign
And the truth is
I miss you
Yeah the truth is
I miss you so
And I'm tired
I should not have let you go
So I crawl back into your open arms
Yes I crawl back into your open arms
And I crawl back into your open arms
Yes I crawl back into your open arms
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