The Christmas Interviews: Part IV: The Houdin Files

Mama: Are you having a good Christmas?
Houdin: What?
Mama: Are you having a good Christmas?
H: Yep
Mama: What's your favorite gift this year?
H: What?
Mama: What's your favorite gift this year?
H: Uh...Air Soft BB Gun.
M: What was the worst part about Christmas?
H: Um...couldn't get to sleep Christmas Eve. I tried to drink grape juice and eat Buckeyes, and it didn't taste too good, because one was sweet and one was sour. It was kinda gross, actually.
M: What's the best gift you gave?
H: I can't tell you. Because I haven't given it yet. Because it got lost by a certain person. She was wrapping presents and she lost one.
M: Was there anything you really, really, really wanted but you didn't get?
H: Um...not really. I didn't really want much. That one Heroscape set with a bunch of heroes that has a dragon it it.
M: That's the one I wanted to get you, but Dad said you wouldn't want that one.
H: Aw, man! Can I trade and you can pretend that's what you got me?
M: Was there anything you didn't ask for that you're really glad you got?
H: Um, an Air Soft BB gun.
M: Was there anything you got that you don't like?
H: No. I really liked everything I got.
M: Do you remember any of the gifts you got last year?
H: Um, Playmobil, Heroscape, uh...a shoulder bag, some books, and I think that was pretty much it.
M: What can you do this year that you couldn't do last Christmas?
H: Shoot people with Air Soft BB guns.
M: What do you hope to be able to do by next Christmas that you can't do this year?
H: Um, be able to make, get together a bunch of people for an Air Soft, uh, Heroscape party. It'd be fun. It would be like a two-day thing, so if I have a Heroscape/Air Soft party, people can come for both. as it is now, we've got about $250 of Heroscape stuff. maybe $300. In our group. And everyone said they wanted to have a Heroscape pot so we can have community Heroscape figures.
M: What does Christmas mean to you?
H: Um, I guess, it's just a time where everybody can relax and uh, it's sad though, because a lot of people during Christmas season don't relax and that's what makes the Christmas season depressing sometimes.
M: So, are you gonna do the shopping and and make meals next year?
H: I can make some meals, but I won't be able to drive to do the shopping. I'd like to.
M: If you did, do you think you could relax?
H: christmas day, yeah. I think I'd relax better knowing I worked the day before. I'd make it last.
M: What's your favorite part of Christmas;
H: Right after everyone opens their presents and everyone's using their presents or playing with them or whatever, and going over to your friend's house and showing them what you got and everyone's happy. No one's mad at each other. Who wants to get mad at anybody when you just got a bunch of free stuff?

The Loot List:

A hat that says, "What would Jesus do" and it looks like the Mt. Dew logo
A handgun BB gun
Two Heroscape Expansion sets
Candy
snake tatoos
camo duct tape
Air Soft goggles
An ice shaver, which I used last night and it worked really well. I took the ice out of the freezer and shaved it, and made some really, really concentrated Gator Ade and then I put it in the icy and mixed it all up, and it was really good.
Monty Python pjs. It's got the Black Knight with his arms and legs chopped off and it says, "It's just a flesh wound"
Pringles
Chocolate orange
Sweater
An Air Force field jacket--it's green.

The Christmas Interviews: Part III: The Bard Files

Mama: Are you having a good Christmas?
Bard: Yeah.
Mama: What's your favorite gift this year?
B: Pirates of the Carribean II.
M: What was the worst part about Christmas?
B: Not being able to fall asleep the night before.
M: What's the best gift you gave?
B: The ducks. Large resin duck figurines to Mom.
M: Was there anything you really, really, really wanted but you didn't get?
B: There wasn't anything I really, really, really wanted. I kinda wanted that hat with the earphones in it, but I didn't really, really, really want it. And the stuff I did want, I got, so...
M: Was there anything you didn't ask for that you're really glad you got?
B: Uh, yeah. I didn't really ask for anything. I think the only thing I asked for was the Pirates DVD and a t-shirt (says "I love pirates"), so...
M: Was there anything you got that you don't like?
B: Nope.
M: Do you remember any of the gifts you got last year?
B: I think last year, I got the Reliant K CD and I got some jewelry, and Playmobil stuff. It's hard to remember what you got, cuz you know stuff you have that you like, but it's hard to remember exactly what it was you got. Oh! I got, um...all those Richard Haliburton books. I got a lot of books last year. I think I got Hitchhiker's Guide last year.
M: What can you do this year that you couldn't do last Christmas?
B: I don't think anything. I can debate. I guess.
M: What do you hope to be able to do by next Christmas that you can't do this year?
B: Beat my speech nemesis.
M: What does Christmas mean to you?
B: Well, Christmas means the day Jesus was born. So, I mean, it doesn't really...I mean, it MEANS stuff, but it's not like, "Oh, I have to find the meaning of Christmas," because you already know what it is, if you're a Christian.
M: What's your favorite part of Christmas;
B: Probably just relaxing and everyone hanging out after we open presents.

The Loot List:

Pirates of the Carribean II
Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, the movie
Baby Check Up
Some books
Some Playmobil stuff
Two little Chinese figurines
A desk and computer
Pajamas
My "pirates" shirt
A Dr. Seuss shirt
Beanie Babies

The Christmas Interviews: Part II: The Sweetheart Files

Mama: Are you having a good Christmas?
Sweetheart: Yes. This might be my favorite Christmas.
Mama: What's your favorite gift this year?
S: Probably the Playmobil set with the unicorns. Maybe the leather purse, or the glass things in it.
M: What was the worst part about Christmas?
S: That I didn't get Build-a-Bear clothes.
M: What's the best gift you gave?
S: Probably Sticky Notes to Houdin or the Hot Wheel car I gave to Monet.
M: Was there anything you really, really, really wanted but you didn't get?
S: No.
M: Was there anything you didn't ask for that you're really glad you got?
S: I didn't ask for anything.
M: Was there anything you got that you don't like?
S: No.
M: Do you remember any of the gifts you got last year?
s: All I remember was when Dad had to drive an Amish person and it took really, really long and we had to wait for him forever and when he got home, we started ripping presents open. Oh! And Bard gave me a purple glass doll to put on my Christmas tree.
M: What can you do this year that you couldn't do last Christmas?
S: Play piano.
M: What do you hope to be able to do by next Christmas that you can't do this year?
S: Play guitar or harp.
M: What does Christmas mean to you?
S: Giving, taking, love and hope.
What is your favorite thing about Christmas?
Her: That you get presents and you get cookies, and you get to spend time with your family. And the wonderful meal you have.

The Loot List:

Glass dolls (ornaments. --Ed)
A ballerina
Gum from my Secret St. Nick
Playmobil unicorn set
Polly Pocket
Chocolate orange and candy
Early pajamas
A leather purse
Clothes
A velvety poster that you color
A thing that goes over my bed (a canopy. --Ed)
A pretty quilt with little girls on it.
Pillowcases that were embroidered with kitty cats and butterflies.
Books
Pink Converse tennis shoes
Coloring books
Markers
A little book of fairies that you color like stained glass windows
Pringles
A wonderful dinner

The Christmas Interviews: Part I: The Monet Files

Mama: Are you having a good Christmas?
Monet: Yeah. Really great. We didn't get as much presents, but I still like the presents that I got.
Mama: What's your favorite gift this year?
Him: The Playmobil pirate ship. It only has three guys on it, so it's not a very big crew, but I got more pirates from different sets, so I've got a bigger crew now.
M: What was the worst part about Christmas?
Him: I don't really know. The worst part...that Houdin didn't get very many presents, but he got an Air Soft gun.
M: What's the best gift you gave?
Him: I think...the coolest gift or the best gift?
M: Doesn't matter.
Him: During Christmas?
M: Any Christmas gift.
Him: I think the Hot Wheel car I got for Houdin. I really liked that.
M: Was there anything you really, really, really wanted but you didn't get?
Him: That BIG, HUUUGE red Playmobil castle. It's the Lion's Castle. That's what, like, team they are. The lions. But that's a huge, biggest one. And it's really cool because it has a trap door.
M: Was there anything you didn't ask for that you're really glad you got?
Him: Yeah. A pirate ship. THE pirate ship. The End, the last Series of Unfortunate Events book.
M: Was there anything you got that you don't like?
Him: Not really. I really liked all of them, but the one I didn't like as much would probably be...I don't know. I liked all of them.
M: Do you remember any of the gifts you got last year?
Him: We got a castle...Playmobil. And I think I got a pocketknife and a CD player, which I have a pocketknife, the same one I lost that I thought I'd never see again, I got it back this year.
M: What can you do this year that you couldn't do last Christmas?
Him: I can do Flash cartoons. I even have a logo!
M: What do you hope to be able to do by next Christmas that you can't do this year?
Him: Drive.
M: That's not gonna happen.
Him: Draw really good.
M: What does Christmas mean to you?
Him: Well, it means to me joy and happiness, and you get a lot of presents, but that's not all. Snowing. But it didn't snow this year. Well, it did, but not very much. Not enough to sled on. It means that we get to celebrate the birth of Jesus, and that's the happiest time of the year. That when my birthday comes, everything will be green.
M: What does that have to do with Christmas?
Him: There are no leaves on the trees, but when my birthday comes, there will be leaves on the trees. On my birthday, leaves. On Christmas, no leaves. It really doesn't make any sense.
M: What's your favorite thing about Christmas?
Him: Presents and snowing and good decorating. Caroling, and drinking hot chocolate.

The Loot List:

A couple packets of Runtz
A lot of chocolate, which I didn't eat and I gave to The Baby
A pirate ship
A bunch of sweaters and a coat
Pajama pants that say "Anger Management School Dropout"
A chocolate orange
Some school books (I think)
Hot wheels car
Series of Unfortunate Events book
Polymer clay
I got an early present--Flash
A drawing model
A good Zig pen
A bunch of ball-point pens
My pocketknife back
A pirate sticker book

The Christmas Interviews, Part Five: The Bard Files

Mama: Are you having a good Christmas?
Bard: Not anymore. No...uh...don't actually type eveything I'm saying. You're being a pain in the butt. I'm not having a good Christmas anymore, because it's not Christmas. But when it was Christmas, I was having a good Christmas. I'd be having a better Christmas if you didn't use that picture.
Mama: What's your favorite gift this year?
Bard: Um...the Reliant K CD was really cool, except for the no apostrophes and the possessive whatever in the lyrics. The DiscWorld three books in one was pretty sweet. And the James Thurber books.
M: What was the worst part about Christmas?
B: I don't know. The devil, I guess. Ha ha. Um...the worst part about Christmas...was...that I wasn't here for most of it. I mean, I was here for actually Christmas, but I wasn't here for December much. "Here" being "home," not at your room. Sitting at your feet. Or beside your feet.
M: What's the best gift you gave?
B: The Barry Manilow CD that you didn't even know that I was going to give you that was so cool.
M: Was there anything you really, really, really wanted but you didn't get?
B: A DVD camcorder. And a step truck. AND combat boots. But other than that, no.
M: Was there anything you didn't ask for that you're really glad you got?
B: I think...pretty much all the stuff I got was stuff I asked for. Except the booklight. I was glad I got that. Maybe one of the books I didn't ask for, but I liked all the books.
M: Was there anything you got that you don't like?
B: No.
M: Do you remember any of the gifts you got last year?
B: Yeah...I got...a couple of CDs and I got...I got sick. Ha ha. Uh...that wasn't a very good gift. I got some clothes. I'm getting all the different Christmases mixed up. I got books, I'm pretty sure. Playmobil toys. We got a bunch of Playmobil toys. And...some Beanie Babies or something? Some kind of doll.
M: The treehouse.
B: Oh, yeah, the treehouse. That wasn't just for me, though. That was for everybody. And how am I supposed to remember it because it's down in the fruit cellar because the screws are stripped.
M: What can you do this year that you couldn't do last Christmas?
B: Uh...nothing, pretty much. Algebra, but that's not really great. Um. I can say I've done stuff, but I can't actually do anything. I can sing some songs in Chinese. I'm not really that interesting, so...
M: You can play piano.
B: Yeah, but...I can only play, like, three songs. I can play guitar, but I can only play, like, eighteen chords.
M: I think that's great.
B: Yeah.
M: What do you hope to be able to do next Christmas that you can't do this year?
B: Heh heh. (laughs hysterically at my use of the words "Heh heh"). Um. Squaredance. With a partner. That isn't my brother. Or some old guy. No offense to any old people out there. "Middle aged." It's more politically correct. Ummm..what was the question again? I don't remember. Heh heh. I'm not going "heh heh," I'm laughing. The first time I was going "heh heh" because I was thinking of something mildly inappropriate. It wasn't very inappropriate. It was just making me laugh.
M: What was it?
B: Heh heh. Why do you have to ask? It wasn't very inappropriate. I just didn't want to say, because you'd write it down, and now you're going to write it down anyway. And everyone who reads your blog is going to think I'm some weird teenager with a sock on my hand.
M: What was it?
B: It's a sock, that's what it is.
M: No, the inappropriate thought.
B: (slightly irrate) Why are you asking??? I didn't say it with three question marks. I don't use multiple punctuation in my speech.
M: What was it?
B: You know. Like periods and commas.
M: You know what I mean.
B: Okay. Fine. I'm not telling you.
M: Then I'm not going to finish this interview.
B: You have to. Somebody asked you to.
M: Well, they'll have to get used to disappointment.
B: I don't know why I ever said anything.
M: What was it?
B: I'm not going to tell you. You're going to laugh at me.
M: What was it?
B: No one's even going to want to read this.
M: (glares)
B: It was KISS, okay? It was KISS! That's what it was. That's what it was. Really. Why are you looking at me like that?
M: What does Christmas mean to you?
B: Um. Uh. It's kind of hard to get back to the topic of Christmas. Um. What Linus said. What? That's what Christmas means to me. Not those exact words. What he said, not what he said. What it means. Heh heh. Christmas...I didn't do that "heh heh" thing. I only did it once, and now you're going overboard. Christmas...(pauses to giggle)...Christmas is never having to say you're sorry. Isn't that from a movie?
M: Yes.
B: Except for not "Christmas;" it would be "love."
M: That's correct.
B: Okay. Um. That's the news from Lake Wobegone. And Christmas is all about Jesus' birth and feeling sorry for our sins and giving and not receiving. 'Cept some people have to receive or we can't give anything. So some people can be selfish and want to get a bunch of stuff but not good people. Good people just have to give stuff, because they have to be good to get to Heaven. That's it.

The Christmas Interviews, Part Four: The Houdin Files

Mama: Are you having a good Christmas?
Houdin: Yeah. Other than infection.
Mama: What's your favorite gift this year?
H: Um...a present. It was a...um...the...lightsaber that you build, basically. It's pretty awesome.
M: What was the worst part about Christmas?
H: Um...I think I already said, being sick and having a, uh..what is it called?
M: A sinus infection.
M: What's the best gift you gave?
H: (long pause) Ummm...I gave cars to Monet but I didn't see him open them, with trading cards with them.
M: Was there anything you really, really, really wanted but you didn't get?
H: Oh, a pocket bike, but I wasn't expecting to get it.
M: Was there anything you didn't ask for that you're really glad you got?
H: Um...all the presents I got were really good, they weren't just "Oh, I think he might like this stuff..." It was really good stuff. So I like everything I got.
M: Was there anything you got that you don't like?
H: No. No. Nothing.
M: Do you remember any of the gifts you got last year?
H: Uh...dominoes, army soldiers, uh...was that the year I got Superman stuff? I can't remember anything other than that.
M: What can you do this year that you couldn't do last Christmas?
H: Um...I can ride a unicycle across the garage. I can do two chin-ups in a row, which is wimpy for my age anyway, so...
M: You can play piano.
H: Yeah, that too. And I can play a little on the guitar.
M: What do you hope to be able to do next Christmas that you can't do this year?
H: Um...I'd like to learn to play bass. Um...I'd like to get a job and buy a pocket bike. Learn a few more magic tricks.
M: What does Christmas mean to you?
H: Um...Not really much. It's just another holiday, I guess. I do appreciate celebrating the birth of Jesus, though.

The Christmas Interviews, Part Three: The Monet Files

Mama: Are you having a good Christmas?
Monet: Yeah. A really good Christmas.
Mama: What's your favorite gift this year?
Him: Probably pirates. The pirate set with the harpoon and the octopus.
M: What was the worst part about Christmas?
Him: Probably Dad having to drive someone and it took a long time.
M: What's the best gift you gave?
Him: Heroscape extension set which was to Houdin.
M: Was there anything you really, really, really wanted but you didn't get?
Him: The huge pirate set.
M: Was there anything you didn't ask for that you're really glad you got?
Him: Narnia soundtrack. No, no, no. And, uh, the pocketknife thing!
M: Was there anything you got that you don't like?
Him: These little cheap squirt guns.
M: Do you remember any of the gifts you got last year?
Him: Um...that big treehouse thing that had like string people.
M: What can you do this year that you couldn't do last Christmas?
Him: Um...play piano and guitar...um...is that it?
M: What do you hope to be able to do next Christmas that you can't do this year?
Him: Get a remote control car.
M: What does Christmas mean to you?
Him: Giving and taking.

The Christmas Interviews, Part Two: The Sweetheart Files

Mama: Are you having a good Christmas?
Sweetheart: Yes.
Mama: What's your favorite gift this year?
S: Well, I'm not sure. Everything. The books are pretty good. I like the one with the pictures, and I like the Barbies, too. And the Playmobil! I'm playing with them right now. I don't know what else to say.
M: What was the worst part about Christmas?
S: Um...I don't know. The devil.
M: What's the best gift you gave?
S: The markers for Monet. He likes those. He was just like, "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!"
M: Was there anything you really, really, really wanted but you didn't get?
S: Well, I really wanted American Girls doll and a lamb, but I didn't get them, so I'm gonna save up my money and get them, so it doesn't really matter.
M: Was there anything you didn't ask for that you're really glad you got?
S: Well, Barbies. And books. But I don't know how to read. And Playmobil! That's what I didn't ask for.
M: Was there anything you got that you don't like?
S: Nothing. No. Nothing.
M: Do you remember any of the gifts you got last year?
S: I think I got a couple of Barbies. And I got Chocolate Oranges and lots of candies. And in our stockings, I think we got dolls. And clothes...pajamas. I don't know what else.
M: What can you do this year that you couldn't do last Christmas?
S: I don't know. Jumping on the trampoline.
M: What do you hope to be able to do next Christmas that you can't do this year?
S: Oh...get a pony and ride on it.

The Christmas Interviews, Part One: The Baby Files

Mama: Are you having a good Christmas?
The Baby: Uh huh. But my sister is not going to give me her toys.
Mama: What's your favorite toy?
The Baby: This. (holds up doll she wrangled away from her sister)
Me: What else are you doing?
The Baby: Being nice to my sister.
Me: Did you get any good clothes?
The Baby: Yes. Like this clothes. It's...uh...other clothes.
Me: What did you do last Christmas?
The Baby: Ran away. And there was a monster behind me.