::: to everything--turn, turn, turn :::

The Baby (age 6): "Can I read some of Junie B. Jones to you?"
Me: "Absolutely. Let me finish what I'm doing and I'll listen."
The Baby: "Promise?"
Me: "Yep."
The Baby: "Good, because I'm really excited. I've been reading it and I'm already on Season Four!"

I guess this is a sign that we might be overdoing it on the Seventh Heaven, Little House on the Prairie and Electric Company series DVDs from Netflix, eh?

An Actual Bedtime Conversation

The Baby decided she wanted to sleep with her big sister Bard tonight. I had the distinct pleasure of praying for both of them.

After the prayer was over, The Baby showed Bard the boo-boo on her toe.

Bard: "Don't play with it."
The Baby: "Why?"
Bard: "Because your toe will fall off."
The Baby, looking at me: "Nuh uh!"
Me: "You know what Bard is?"
The Baby: "What?"
Me: "A liar."
Several minutes go by as we discuss other things and say our goodnights.
Me: "Goodnight, Baby. I love you. "
Bard (to Baby): "But she doesn't love me..."
Me: (to Baby): "Do you love her?"
The Baby: "A little bit."
Me: "I love her a lot. She's a good girl, actually."
The Baby, without missing a beat: "Yeah, but she's a liar."
Bard and I: laugh hysterically

Funny Things Kids Say

Me to Monet: Please don't hit anyone else with a mallet.

*****

Bard: Maybe Dad should just be Superman for the costume party. He could wear pants with the underwear on the outside. He could wear a pink towel and cowboy boots, like Monet used to and everyone thought he looked cute.

Monet: Did I really do that?

Bard: Yeah...well...you didn't wear underwear on the outside...well...you never wear underwear.

Monet: Yes, I do!

Bard: Are you wearing any right now?

Monet: I only wear them on special occasions.

*****

Bard to me while I was feeding Wilma the One-Eyed Chameleon: Do chameleons get their tongues stuck together because they're too sticky?

Me: No. Their tongues aren't actually sticky. They're barbed.

Bard: I wish I had a barbed tongue.

*****

Me: Children, don't eat glass.

Monet: Not even if you're a rockbiter?

Me: Not even if you're a rockbiter.

Bard: Rockbiters don't eat glass. They eat rocks. Hence the name...Rockbiter.

*****

Monet: Is there some kind of contest when you die to tell whether you can get into heaven or not?

Me: No, it's not like that. It's like...

Houdin (interupting): Welcome to This Was Your Life. And now, here is your host...Jesus Christ!

*****

Bard: Do you want to be clubbed in the head with a horse?

Sweetheart: Not really.

*****