::: being seven :::

Turning seven is a pretty big deal. When you're seven, you're over halfway to teenagerness. When you're seven, you're not a baby anymore. When you're seven, you can read and do math and go to pottery class. Seven-year-olds can choose to act like a kid, or choose to be very grown up.

Seven means Barbie cakes and pink guitars and ruby slippers and scooters with frillies on the handles. Seven means missing teeth and new teeth and loose teeth.

Seven can't be six anymore, but can still read Now We Are Six anyway, and can especially like the Buttercup Days and Forgiven poems.

Seven means that you've finished your math primer and you know how to count by 2's, 3's, 5's, 10's and 100's. Seven means that you know that Lake Superior looks like a wolf's head, and that Benjamin Franklin had an almanac. Seven means that you know all about gravity and Sir Isaac Newton and prisms. Seven thinks King Arthur is boring, until Mama starts to read, and then she has a lot of questions and some very strong opinions about Sir Kay and Morgan la Fay and Vivian.

Seven can tie her own shoes and slice her own strawberries. Seven can rollerblade and practice her voice lessons. Seven can do a pas de chat and a grand plié and a tendu.

Seven has a bed of her own with a pretty pink, yellow and white quilt, but can still sleep with her big sister, if she wants to (and if big sister allows), especially when the heat goes out on a cold, snowy night. Seven loves Polly Pockets, lip gloss, stripey leggings and yummy-smelling lotions.

When you're seven, everything is very big, and everything is very possible, and everything is very important.

If you want it to be.

::: twenty :::

Happy birthday, Bard. I've known you for half my life, and you've made it an amazing second half. 

A Birthday Apart

When I awoke this morning, I just wanted to go and give you a big hug, wrap my arms around you and tell you how much I love you, how much I appreciate your carefree spirit, your adventurous nature, your individuality. We butt heads, you and I, like two big-horned rams, each coming at the other with our own ideals. Why can't they mesh, I wonder? Can they? Will they?

And if you had been here, I'd definitely have charged into your room and said, "Happy Birthday!" to you. Maybe even breakfast in bed. Maybe not.

But instead, I went on with my busy morning, rushing around, hoping not to be late or forget something. And when I had a moment, I called you, but there was no answer.

When you called me back, I was so happy to hear your voice. And when you wondered if we had plans for tonight, I wanted to tell you that we had plans for you, to entice you back home for the weekend so that I could relieve my mother-guilt of not being with her eldest son on his eighteenth birthday. And yes, we did have plans, but they weren't birthday plans. And now I feel terrible. I should have had birthday plans for you.

So what can I do, my son who is officially an adult but still so much my boy, to commemorate this day, the first day of a new phase of your life? What could I possibly do to mark this occasion well, give it the attention it deserves?

There isn't anything, really, I'm afraid. My attempts would be inadequate.

Tonight, as we sat in Leslie's garden, I missed you so much I could have cried, but, out of fear of embarrassment, I told the tears to mind their own business, to leave me alone. I don't think I've ever been away from any of the other kids on their birthdays. Why does that bother me so much? I was so convinced that I should be with you today that when I saw that tall teenaged boy wander into Leslie's yard, and when I heard someone shout out to him--he shared your name, I was sure it was you, against all logic. And when I realized that it wasn't you, that it couldn't possibly be, I felt something akin to homesickness. All I wanted was to hear your laugh, to see you swing the younger kids by their arms or play hide-and-seek with the big kids. I wanted to hear you play Ben Folds and The Beatles and Muse on Martin and Leslie's new Baldwin, hear you sing along with Tosca's eclectic playlist. And only part of it was that I was worried that you were spending your birthday alone at camp, the rest of the staff gone for the weekend, home with their families or hanging out with their friends. The other part was me.

I really missed you.

I really miss you.

There's so much I wish I could change about our story, you know? I think I could have been a much better mom if I'd just have known that you would be alright. You have no idea how much advice you get as a mother, and most of it is a bunch of bull. People who have their heads full of their own ideals seem to think they have the best answers for you, for your parenting and your child. Why didn't I just listen to us? Wouldn't it have been so much better to shut off those voices and trust you and me?

Maybe it's not too late. Can we start again? Can you believe me when I say I'm proud of who you are, of who you've been, who you're becoming? How about if we set aside the blame and set free the love? I mean, what's the worst that could happen?

Tomorrow morning, you'll run a 5K, and I'll be there to see you. And you won't believe the hug I'm preparing.

Happy eighteenth, Houdin. Let's move forward.

Love,

Mom

What Forty Looks Like

Here's what I am: 40. Here's when it

happened: yesterday. Here's what I did: went to the zoo. Here's what I had: fun. 

Last summer, we bought a membership to the Columbus Zoo, and we made good use of it. We visited several zoos within driving distance, including the Columbus Zoo. Problem was, it was Africa hot on the day we went, so we were only able to enjoy 1/3 of the zoo before we were forced to the comfort of our hotel room. 

That's cool, though, because we didn't know at that time that we'd be welcoming Rejoice into our lives. I thought it would be a great idea to go to the zoo for Sweetheart's and my birthdays, which are within days of each other, because we could show the zoo to Rejoice. Just a few days before we were going to go, before we had told Rejoice that we were going, we played an after-dinner game of I Never, a game where you try to earn tokens, pennies or pieces of candy by having never done some thing your opponents have done. It was then that Rejoice shared with us, before he knew of our plan, that he had never been to a zoo! 

So we took the day to go to the zoo. Here, for your enjoyment, are some of the photos.

::: i love this face :::

I absolutely love this face. Love it. Love it. Love it. I never would have thought in a million years that I'd have a daughter so fun, beautiful and intelligent, yet there she is, in all of her red-headed, brown-eyed glory.

And yesterday? She was a baby. Just toddling after me, thinking I was the greatest thing that ever lived. To see her all grown up, on the cusp of turning nineteen, living away from home and running her own life, making new friends and amazing new people is so surreal to me.

If you have a little girl, you'd better stop what you're doing right this minute and go wrap your arms around her. Give her the biggest hug and the sloppiest kiss you can muster. Tell her how beautiful and amazing and smart she is (no matter what the child psychologists and friends and grandparents and experts say you should do/say). Bake some cookies with her, or watch her favorite movie with her (even if it's High School Musical), and let her know how awesome it is that she's alive and that she's spending her time with you.

Before you know it, she'll be nineteen, and she'll be away at college, and you'll be looking at pictures of her and wondering how it all went by so fast.

I know it's so banal to say these things, but I think that's because they're really, really true.

And now, I need to go spend some time with the two daughters who are at home getting their jammies on and asking for a story. I love their faces, too.

Happy Birthday, Baby!

While it's technically not The Baby's birthday yet, we celebrated on Saturday while her older sister was home from college (and continue to celebrate this week).

It's strange for me celebrating this birthday with my littlest little. After all, this is the first time in my life that my youngest child is older than four. With all other children, by that time, there was another baby here. So now, I have a six year old, and no babies. And this will likely be the last six-year-old birthday I'll celebrate with one of my own children. It's strange and sad and sweet and surreal. I'll miss having littles of my own around, especially since this age, five and six, are my very favorite ages.

A friend updated her twitter with a status about reading picture books to her youngest little, and how she'll miss reading them when her kids get older. It sent my heart racing, sent me into a minor panic. I hadn't thought of that! My youngest little is wandering right out of that picture book stage, and I'm not ready for that!

So today, we'll read a few picture books for The Baby (who will be given a new blogger name when she actually turns six), and Swallowdale for the middles, and I'll be assigning The Last Lecture of Houdin, my eldest boy.

Today's mantra: Embrace the Littles!

The Great Cupcake Adventure: Day Three!

Well, we're half-way done! Today, we made Pistachio Raspberry Cupcakes, and while they were really more like sweet muffins. they were certainly delicious (but the Ginger Molasses ones are still my favorite so far!). These cupcakes were unique from the others in that they were mixed entirely in the food processor. I used salted pistachios, since I couldn't find unsalted ones, and I omitted the added salt. Also, I used frozen raspberries because the fresh ones are out of season and quite expensive.

I can't remember what tomorrow's cupcakes are! I'll have to check with Sweetheart. Of course, I'll know soon enough, since tomorrow will come quickly!

The Great Cupcake Adventure: Day Two!

Today was a busy day, filled with doctor appointments, haircuts, fiddle lessons, a lunch outing and various errands. But we wanted to make sure we got our cupcakes in today, so we made them first thing this morning. What a wonderfully decadent breakfast!

Today's recipe was Ginger Molasses Cupcakes with Whipped Cream Topping. They were definitely a hit! I added four tablespoons of powdered sugar to the whipped topping. Just the right amount of sweetness. When we made the cupcakes, they really puffed up over the top, so I'd recommend only filling the tins half full. They also flopped when they were taken from the oven, which didn't affect the flavor one bit, but made them difficult to remove from the pan. I wonder if the "melted" butter was a typo? Not sure.

Anyway, they were very delicious!I venture to say they might end up being my favorite of all of them. Four more days and four more cupcake recipes to go! Tomorrow, Pistachio Cupcakes with Raspberries.

The Great Cupcake Adventure: Day One!

The Baby is going to be six years old soon. To celebrate, we decided to dive into the latest Martha Stewart Living Magazine and make a different batch of cupcakes every day for six days. Today was Chocolate Chip with Chocolate Chip Buttercream Frosting. The verdict? Very, very sweet! If you make these, add a dash of salt to the icing to cut down on the sweetness!

Tomorrow, it's Ginger Molasses with Whipped Cream frosting.

Happy Birthday, Houdin!

Houdin is away at camp as a counselor for the week, and today, on his birthday, I'm thinking of him. When he gets home, we'll have a birthday celebration for him and a Father's Day celebration for Bo and my dad.

It's pretty strange not having Houdin here. Dare I say it's quite a bit quieter? But at the same time, when I need someone to lift this or carry that or run here or hurry there, I remember how helpful he is. I'm sure he's enjoying his week of training at camp and will be a big hit with the camp kids; that environment is right up his alley.

So send birthday wishes his way, and we'll be sure he gets them when he gets home.

::: happy birthday, son! :::

::: birthday haircut :::

::: turning 39 :::

On my 39th birthday, we had a great houseconcert with fabulous people present. It was a lot of work,but I think it was the best birthday I've had in a very, very long time.

Just a little smackerel of something.

Okay, I know. I've been away forever. I'm sorry. I haven't had much will to blog, really. Yes, some of it is because I've found a new love...facebook. But some of it is because I simply have very little will to write. Actually, I have very little will to do much of anything. Maybe it's these bleak midwinter blahs. Do you get them, too? I mean, the snow is just beautiful, and I like being home more, but I just feel so purposeless, though there's plenty that needs doing. Cleaning and laundry (only always), decluttering and organizing, writing and playing and dancing and laughing and reading and walking and running and singing. But I just don't feel like it.

Still, I've forced myself to sit here and give a bit of an update, and then I'll likely go and peruse some blogs, reacquaint myself with some old friends and see if I can garner some inspiration.

In the household news: Bard just turned 18 this month and we're in the thick of applying to colleges. She has competed in a couple of scholarship competitions with possible full- and half-ride scholarships in the wings, and she has been awarded some pretty good academic and merit-based scholarships. She has it narrowed down to just a couple of places, both within a few hours' drive from home, but we won't know until all of the scholarship information comes back to us. She's trying hard to determine what she wants to do for a living, and I'm trying hard to stay out of it and pray for guidance and inspiration for her.

Houdin will be 17 this summer and has his first serious girlfriend, a sweet gal who has great musical ability and a wonderful personality. We enjoy having her around and will be sad when she goes away to college this fall. It will be a learning experience for us all.

The younger children are basically enjoying being younger children. Nothing really new there.

Bo and I have become more involved at church since the new pastors (husband and wife team) started last summer. On one hand, it's been enjoyable and energizing, but on the other hand, it's been a lot of time away and sometimes stressful. I'm hoping to strike a balance soon.

I do want to tell you the rest of that amazing story of God's provision, and I will get to it eventually. For now, I just wanted to let you know that I'm still alive and I still think of you.

Blessings,
TD

::: happy birthday, sweetheart! :::

Sweetheart's Eighth Birthday

Sweetheart turned 8 this week. Visit my picasa web album to see my little sweetie growing up.

Time to Vacate

We're not the kind of family who takes vacations.

I've never been to Disney World. I've never taken my children to see the Grand Canyon or Niagara Falls. We've never flown to Europe. Heck, we barely ever leave our state!

Even when my husband I and married, young and poor, our honeymoon was spent twenty minutes away from home in a hotel that was once an oats silo. For one night. And then we hit the ground running.

I don't believe we've stopped since.

Our vacations have always been more familycentric, consisting of visits to parents' and grandparents' houses, graduation parties, weddings, funerals. Our immediate family spends Bo's vacation days on service projects or home improvement projects. If we travel overnight, it's generally for our children's activities--particularly speech and debate tournaments.

If the tournament is less than 3 hours away, Bo does his best to convince us to just commute. If we can camp during one of these outings, we'll borrow a friend's pop-up and rough-it. If it's far, far away, we'll get one hotel room for the seven of us and pray there's a cot available when we get there.

This weekend, we had a tournament in Mt. Vernon, Ohio, which doesn't qualify as far, far away from us. We're not in camping weather, so roughing-it was out of the question.

But we didn't commute.

We stayed in a hotel. For THREE WHOLE NIGHTS. And celebrated!

Because this week, Sweetheart and I both turned a bit older. I am now a woman of thirty-eight and Sweetheart is an adorable eight-years-old. To make our birthdays more special, I decided that I would save up my pennies and spend an extra day in Mt. Vernon, explore that cute little college town, laze around in a hotel room watching Fresh Prince of Bel Aire and eating pizza.

After working and cleaning house on Wednesday, the five kiddoes and I drove to Mt. Vernon to check into our hotel room and settle in. There, we met our grumpy hotel host (more about her later) and vegged out, stayed up late, and laughed a lot.

Thursday morning, the day before the tournament was to start, I took the boys to get haircuts and then we briefly explored the downtown Mt. Vernon area. Just as I remembered from a pass-through several years ago, there was a cute little store (more about that later, too), a hip cafe and a bead shoppe with all of the makings for a few saweet pairs of earrings. There was also an adorable little bakery called The Pink Cupcake. I promptly strolled in and ordered a birthday cake for Sweetheart and her girlfriend Lydia, who would be turning 7 the next day.

We hoofed it back to the hotel to pick up the girls and then we went exploring.

Bard and I made earrings at the bead shop. Sweetheart made an adorable necklace with her name on it. The boys took The Baby to the bookstore and cafe (more about that later, too) where we met up with them after our earring adventure was complete. I checked my e-mail at the cafe and bought two fabulous cookbooks at the fabulous bookstore that employed two fabulous women (more about them later, too) and then we popped in to The Pink Cupcake so the girls could all ooh and ahh over the displays. Of course we just had to take something along with us (I may have gained seven pounds this week, but it was worth it) so we all chose something--both of us birthday girls chose two things--and then we meandered back to the hotel room where Bo joined us after his drive from home.

Friday morning, early, brought the tournament (more about that later, too. Boy. I hope I remember all this), a late-night pizza party, and more from our grumpy hotel clerk. Saturday brought more tournament, cake for the girls from The Pink Cupcake, and a wonderful evening meal at the Southside Diner where all of our forensics team enjoyed food, fellowship and general silliness.

It was a full and wonderful weekend--and there's so much more to tell.

While we may not take vacations, I try to take advantage of every moment, turning as many into mini-vacations as I possibly can. Those are the moments that make life fun.

::: happy birthday to me! :::

I've been having a wonderful birthday, extended and quite doting. And, get this, it has JUST NOW STARTED! As of right this hour, I'm thirty-old and have been spoiled relentlessly.

Maybe when I'm done, I'll tell you all about it. :-)