The 15 foods runners need every week for good health and top performance

I didn't run today, but I did get encouragement from your comments as well as from a fellow runner today. I hope to run sometime this weekend, if the weather permits, but in the meantime, I found this article online while searching for the best foods for runners. Very good to read. I hope to implement more of them. I already buy mixed greens, frozen berries, raw and salted almonds, yogurt, oranges and bananas and I ocassionally use whole grain pasta but I've also been making my own pasta and haven't experimented with the whole grain stuff yet. What I really need to add are eggs (don't like 'em), salmon (not a big fish eater. Like to the tune of I never eat it), and chicken is so expensive that I rarely buy it. But I know that if I and my family are going to start running, we have to eat to run, as one commenter said. So, here, according to Runner's World, is the...

The Best Grocery List of All Time

The 15 foods runners need every week for good health and top performance
By Liz Applegate Ph.D.

Most supermarkets stock more than 30,000 items, yet every time we race up and down the aisles of the grocery store, we toss into our carts the same 10 to 15 foods. Which isn't such a bad thing, as long as you're taking home the right foods--ones that will keep you healthy, fuel peak performance, and easily cook up into lots of delicious meals. So before your next trip to the grocery store, add the following 15 foods to your must-buy list. Then, when you get home, use our tips and recipes to easily get them into your diet and onto your menu.


Add to your cart: Almonds

Runners should eat a small handful of almonds at least three to five times per week. Nuts, especially almonds, are an excellent source of vitamin E, an antioxidant that many runners fall short on because there are so few good food sources of it. Studies have shown that eating nuts several times per week lowers circulating cholesterol levels, particularly the artery-clogging LDL type, decreasing your risk for heart disease. And the form of vitamin E found in nuts, called gamma-tocopherol (a form not typically found in supplements), may also help protect against cancer.

Add to your diet: Add almonds and other nuts to salads or pasta dishes, use as a topping for casseroles, or throw them into your bowl of hot cereal for extra crunch. Combine with chopped dried fruit, soy nuts, and chocolate bits for a healthy and tasty trail mix. Almond butter is perfect spread over whole-grain toast or on a whole-wheat tortilla, topped with raisins, and rolled up. Store all nuts in jars or zipper bags in a cool dry place away from sunlight and they'll keep for about two to four months. Storing them in the freezer will allow them to keep an extra month or two.

Add to your cart: Eggs

One egg fulfills about 10 percent of your daily protein needs. Egg protein is the most complete food protein short of human breast milk, which means the protein in eggs contains all the crucial amino acids your hard-working muscles need to promote recovery. Eat just one of these nutritional powerhouses and you'll also get about 30 percent of the Daily Value (DV) for vitamin K, which is vital for healthy bones. And eggs contain choline, a brain nutrient that aids memory, and leutin, a pigment needed for healthy eyes. Choose omega-3 enhanced eggs and you can also increase your intake of healthy fats. Don't worry too much about the cholesterol: Studies have shown that egg eaters have a lower risk for heart disease than those who avoid eggs.

Add to your diet: Whether boiled, scrambled, poached, or fried (in a nonstick skillet to cut down on the need for additional fats), eggs are great anytime. Use them as the base for skillet meals such as frittatas. Or include them in sandwiches, burritos, or wraps as you would meat fillers. You can also add them to casseroles and soups by cracking one or two in during the last minute of cooking.

Add to your cart: Sweet potatoes

This Thanksgiving Day standard should be on the plates of runners year-round. Just a single 100-calorie sweet potato supplies over 250 percent of the DV for vitamin A in the form of beta-carotene, the powerful antioxidant. Sweet potatoes are also a good source of vitamin C, potassium, iron, and the two trace minerals manganese and copper. Many runners fail to meet their manganese and copper needs, which can have an impact on performance since these minerals are crucial for healthy muscle function. There are even new sweet-potato varieties that have purple skin and flesh and contain anthocyanidins, the same potent antioxidant found in berries.

Add to your diet: Sweet potatoes can be baked, boiled, or microwaved. You can fill them with bean chili, low-fat cheese, and your favorite toppings, or you can incorporate them into stews and soups. Baked as wedges or disks, sweet potatoes make delicious oven fries. Don't store sweet potatoes in the fridge because they will lose their flavor. Instead, stash them in a cool, dark place, and they should keep for about two weeks.

Add to your cart: Whole-Grain Cereal with Protein

Look for whole-grain cereals that offer at least five grams of fiber and at least eight grams of protein. For example, one cup of Kashi GoLean cereal, which is made from seven different whole grains, including triticale, rye, and buckwheat, fills you up with a hefty 10 grams of fiber (that's 40 percent of the DV) and is loaded with heart-healthy phytonutrients. It also contains soy grits, supplying 13 grams of protein per serving. If you pour on a cup of milk or soymilk, you'll get 30 to 40 percent of your protein needs as a runner in one bowl. Other high-protein/high-fiber cereals include Nature's Path Optimum Rebound and Back to Nature Flax & Fiber Crunch.

Add to your diet: Of course whole-grain cereal is excellent for breakfast--a meal you don't want to skip since research indicates that those who eat breakfast are healthier, trimmer, and can manage their weight better than nonbreakfast eaters. Cereal also makes a great postrun recovery meal with its mix of carbohydrates and protein. Or you can sprinkle whole-grain cereal on top of your yogurt, use it to add crunch to casseroles, or tote it along in a zip bag.

Add to your cart: Oranges

Eat enough oranges and you may experience less muscle soreness after hard workouts such as downhill running. Why? Oranges supply over 100 percent of the DV for the antioxidant vitamin C, and a recent study from the University of North Carolina Greensboro showed that taking vitamin C supplements for two weeks prior to challenging arm exercises helped alleviate muscle soreness. This fruit's antioxidant powers also come from the compound herperidin found in the thin orange-colored layer of the fruit's skin (the zest). Herperidin has been shown to help lower cholesterol levels and high blood pressure as well.

Add to your diet: Add orange sections to fruit and green salads, or use the orange juice and pulp for sauces to top chicken, pork, or fish. And to benefit from the antioxidant herperidin, use the orange zest in baking and cooking, as with my Grilled Herbed Salmon recipe (above). Select firm, heavy oranges, and store them in the fridge for up to three weeks. Orange zest can be stored dried in a glass jar for about a week if kept in a cool place.

Add to your cart: Canned Black Beans

One cup of these beauties provides 30 percent of the DV for protein, almost 60 percent of the DV for fiber (much of it as the cholesterol-lowering soluble type), and 60 percent of the DV for folate, a B vitamin that plays a key role in heart health and circulation. Black beans also contain antioxidants, and researchers theorize that this fiber-folate-antioxidant trio is why a daily serving of beans appears to lower cholesterol levels and heart-disease risk. In addition, black beans and other legumes are low glycemic index (GI) foods, meaning the carbohydrate in them is released slowly into the body. Low GI foods can help control blood sugar levels and may enhance performance because of their steady release of energy.

Add to your diet: For a quick, hearty soup, open a can of black beans and pour into chicken or vegetable stock along with frozen mixed veggies and your favorite seasonings. Mash beans with salsa for an instant dip for cut veggies, or spread onto a whole-wheat tortilla for a great recovery meal. Add beans to cooked pasta or rice for extra fiber and protein.

Add to your cart: Mixed Salad Greens

Rather than selecting one type of lettuce for your salad, choose mixed greens, which typically offer five or more colorful delicate greens such as radicchio, butter leaf, curly endive, and mache. Each variety offers a unique blend of phytonutrients that research suggests may fend off age-related diseases, such as Alzheimer's, cancer, heart disease, and diabetes. These phytonutrients also act as antioxidants, warding off muscle damage brought on by tough workouts. You can usually buy mixed greens in bulk or prewashed in bags.

Add to your diet: Toss a mixed greens salad with tomato, cucumber, scallions, and an olive oil-based dressing (the fat from the oil helps your body absorb the phytonutrients). You can also stuff mixed greens in your sandwiches, wraps, and tacos. Or place them in a heated skillet, toss lightly until wilted, and use as a bed for grilled salmon, chicken, or lean meat. Greens store best in a salad spinner or the crisper drawer in your fridge for up to six days. Just don't drench them in water or they won't keep as long.

Add to you cart: Salmon

Nutrition-wise, salmon is the king of fish. Besides being an excellent source of high-quality protein (you get about 30 grams in a four-ounce serving), salmon is one of the best food sources of omega-3 fats. These essential fats help balance the body's inflammation response, a bodily function that when disturbed appears to be linked to many diseases including asthma. A recent study showed that people with exercise-induced asthma saw an improvement in symptoms after three weeks of eating more fish oil. If you've been limiting seafood due to possible mercury or PCB contamination, simply aim for a variety of farm-raised and wild salmon for maximum health benefits.

Add to your diet: Bake, grill, or poach salmon with fresh herbs and citrus zest. Gauge cooking time by allotting 10 minutes for every inch of fish (steaks or fillets). Salmon should flake when done. Precooked (leftover) or canned salmon is great in salads, tossed into pasta, stirred into soups, or on top of pizza. Fresh fish keeps one to two days in the fridge, or you can freeze it in a tightly sealed container for about four to five months.

Add to your cart: Whole-Grain Bread

Runners need at least three to six one-ounce servings of whole grains per day, and eating 100 percent whole-grain bread (as opposed to just whole-grain bread, which may contain some refined grains and flours) is an easy way to meet this requirement since one slice equals one serving. Whole-grain bread may also help weight-conscious runners. One study showed that women who eat whole-grain bread weigh less than those who eat refined white bread and other grains. Whole-grain eaters also have a 38 percent lower risk of suffering from metabolic syndrome, which is characterized by belly fat, low levels of the good cholesterol, and high blood sugar levels. All this raises the risk for heart disease and cancer.

Add to your diet: Bread is versatile, portable, and ready to eat right out of the wrapper. Spread with peanut butter or stuff with your favorite sandwich fillings and plenty of sliced veggies for a one-handed recovery meal. Coat with a beaten egg for French toast, or use as layers or crumbled in a casserole. Just be sure the label says 100 percent whole grain (all the grains and flours included in the ingredients should be listed as whole, not milled or refined). And don't just stick with the popular 100 percent whole-wheat breads. Try different varieties of whole grains such as barley, buckwheat, bulgur, rye, or oat.

Add to your cart: Frozen Stir-fry Vegetables

Research shows that eating a combination of antioxidants, such as beta-carotene and vitamin C, may lessen muscle soreness after hard interval workouts by reducing the inflammation caused by free-radical damage (for more on this, see "Should You Be Afraid of Free Radicals," page 61). Most ready-to-use stir-fry veggie combos offer a potent mix of antioxidants by including red and yellow peppers, onions, bok choy, and soy beans. And frozen vegetable mixes save lots of prepping time but still provide the same nutrition as their fresh counterparts.

Add to your diet: Dump the frozen vegetables right into a hot wok or skillet, add tofu, seafood, or meat, your favorite stir-fry sauce, and serve over brown rice. Or throw them into pasta water during the last few minutes of cooking, drain, and toss with a touch of olive oil. You can also mix the frozen veggies right into soups or stews at the end of cooking, or thaw them and add to casseroles. Vegetables store well in the freezer for about four months, so make sure to date your bags.

Add to your cart: Whole-grain Pasta

Pasta has long been a runner's best friend because it contains easily digestible carbs that help you restock spent glycogen (energy) stores. Whole-grain versions are a must over refined pastas because they contain more fiber to fill you up, additional B vitamins that are crucial to energy metabolism, and disease-fighting compounds such as lignans. And even better, pastas such as Barilla Plus offer whole-grain goodness along with heart-healthy omega-3 fats from ground flaxseed and added protein from a special formula of ground lentils, multigrains, and egg whites to help with muscle repair and recovery.

Add to your diet: Pasta makes a complete one-pot meal--perfect for busy runners--when tossed with veggies, lean meat, seafood, or tofu. Or combine pasta with a light sauce, a bit of your favorite cheese, and turn it into a satisfying casserole.

Add to your cart: Chicken

Runners need about 50 to 75 percent more protein than nonrunners to help rebuild muscles and promote recovery after tough workouts. And just one four-ounce serving of chicken can supply about half a runner's daily protein needs. Along with protein, chicken contains selenium, a trace element that helps protect muscles from the free-radical damage that can occur during exercise, and niacin, a B vitamin that helps regulate fat burning during a run. New studies also suggest that people who get ample niacin in their diet have a 70 percent lower risk of developing Alzheimer's disease.

Add to your diet: Chicken's versatility makes it perfect for runners with little time to cook. You can bake, broil, grill, or poach chicken in broth. Leftover chicken works well on top of salads, mixed into pasta, or stuffed into sandwiches and burritos. Fresh chicken stores safely for two days in the fridge, but can be frozen for six months or more.

Add to your cart: Frozen Mixed Berries

The colorful compounds that make blueberries blue, blackberries deep purple, and raspberries a rich shade of red are called anthocyanins--a powerful group of antioxidants that may help stave off Alzheimer's disease and some cancers. Anthocyanins may also assist with postrun recovery and muscle repair. Not bad for a fruit group that contains a mere 60 calories or so per cup. And remember: Frozen berries are just as nutritious as fresh ones, but they keep far longer (up to nine months in the freezer), making it easier to always have them ready to eat.

Add to your diet: Frozen berries make a great base for a smoothie and there's no need to thaw them. Once thawed, eat them straight up or add to some vanilla yogurt with chopped nuts. Or liven up your hot or cold cereal with a big handful. You can also bake berries with a nutty topping of oatmeal, honey, and chopped almonds for a sweet treat after a long weekend run.

Add to your cart: Dark Chocolate

As a runner you deserve at least one indulgence--especially one you can feel so good about. Chocolate contains potent antioxidants called flavonols that can boost heart health. In one study, a group of soccer players had lower blood pressure and total cholesterol levels, and less artery-clogging LDL cholesterol after just two weeks of eating chocolate daily. Other research suggests that the chocolate flavonols ease inflammation and help prevent blood substances from becoming sticky, which lowers the risk of potential blood clots. But not just any chocolate will do. First off, dark chocolate (the darker the better) generally contains more flavonols than milk chocolate. Also, the way the cocoa beans are processed can influence the potency of the flavonols. Chocolate manufacturer Mars has developed a procedure that apparently retains much of the antioxidant powers of the flavonols, and their research shows just a little over an ounce (200 calories worth) of Dove dark

chocolate per day has heart-healthy benefits.

Add to your diet: Besides the obvious (just eat it!), you can add dark chocolate to trail mix, dip it in peanut butter (my favorite), or combine it with fruit for an even greater antioxidant punch. Just keep track of the calories. Buy chocolate wrapped in small pieces to help with portion control.

Add to your cart: Low-fat Yogurt

Besides being a good source of protein and calcium (one cup provides 13 grams of protein and 40 percent of the DV for calcium), low-fat yogurt with live cultures provides the healthy bacteria your digestive tract needs to function optimally. This good bacteria may also have anti-inflammatory powers that can offer some relief to arthritis suffers. Just look for the live-culture symbol on the yogurt carton.

Add to your diet: Low-fat yogurt is great topped with fruit, granola, or nuts, or used as a base for smoothies. Plain yogurt can be mixed with diced cucumber and herbs like dill and spread over grilled tofu, chicken, fish, and other meats. Yogurt can also double as a salad dressing with vinegar and herbs. Or mix it with fresh salsa to stand in as a dip for veggies and baked chips.

Couch Potato to 5K: Week 5, Day 2

Well, I did it. I went on to Day 2 of Week Five, which means:

Brisk five-minute warmup walk (3.8 mph), then:
Jog 3/4 mile (or 8 minutes) 5.6 mph
Walk 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes) 3.8 mph
Jog 3/4 mile (or 8 minutes) 5.6 mph

I finally realized that I need to get up to 6 mph in order to do the three miles in 1/2 an hour. Duh. Yes, it really did take me that long to figure out that very simple math problem. I guess I just wasn't doing it mathematically, but trying to sort of figure out how much faster I'd need to run to make the 3 miles in half and hour. Silly, I know.

Anyway, it was killer. I was so entirely bored and tired of running, and panting up a storm that I really couldn't wait until the time was over. All said and done, though, I only ran for a mile and a half, but not in a row. 3/4 mile at once and then a five-minute walk followed by another 3/4 mile.

What I don't understand is that the next day of the Couch Potato to 5K program calls for 20 minutes of running. That's more than TWICE what I did today! With no walking in between! You'd think they'd at least do a set with less walking in between before hoisting me right into the 20 minute run. Am I missing something? Am I reading this chart wrong?

In other running news, I convinced my seventeen-year-old daughter Bard to start the program, so pretty soon, I'm going to start the program all over again, only with her beside me. We'll do this either on my off days with Kim or in the evenings. Bard is most definitely NOT a morning person.

And in other weight news, I realized that the last time I weighed myself prior to my previous post was here. Two week ago. So while I'm not losing as much as I'd hoped, I've lost two pounds in two weeks, which is pretty darn good, considering that I could really eat an entire raw cow on some days. Seriously. That's how hungry I feel.

Which brings me to my next point; for some reason I've been really having problems with food the past couple of weeks. I'm just terribly hungry. I eat a huge salad. Still hungry. Down a 1/2 pound of beef with onions. Hungry. Scarf several pieces of pizza. Hungry yet still. The only thing that seems to satisfy me lately is a big bowl of ice cream or a piece of pecan pie. Today I just wanted a candy bar. The whole day. I mean, my mind was completely and totally focused on NOT having a candy bar. To the point of obsessing about it! Generally, I'm not a candy-eater, but I really, really, really want a candy bar lately. Whassupwitdat?

It makes me frustrated to the point of believing I'll never actually lose the weight I want to lose. And once I do? How do I keep it off?

Argh. Quite frustrating.

Couch Potato to 5K: Week 5, Day 1

Stepping on the scale this morning may have been a mistake. I don't know how accurate the scale is (one woman told me that she's seen people adjust it if they think it's not set right), but according to it, I've lost two pounds since I last weighed myself. I was really hoping for more, but I also know that I haven't been very careful with my eating this past week. I can't seem to help it. I'm just so HUNGRY! I've been craving protein more and more, like a great big chopped steak, but I don't tend to have those things around the house. I have been trying to watch my portion sizes, but sometimes it's hard. And this weekend, we ate chicken and jo-jos--FRIED FOOD!

Still, I've avoided soda and juices entirely and I've cut down on my ice cream consumption. When I'm as hungry as I've been, I simply can't see stuffing myself with a salad. I want SUBSTANCE! I want FLAVOR! I want something with CHEESE or CREAM or FAT. And if you can fry it up, that's all the better.

I really have changed my eating habits, though. No fast food, nary a french fry, no candy and chips lying around the house. I know that I've changed my eating habits, because, while I use to rid my car of fast food bags and soggy drink cups, I now remove yogurt containers, apple cores and banana peels.

So I'm down to 172, which still makes me sick, but at least I'm going somewhere with it. Right? Right?!?

This morning, we started Week 5 of the program. It went like this:

Brisk five minute walk (3.8 mph)
Run for 5 minutes (5.6 mph)
Walk for 3 minutes (3.8)
Run for 5 minutes (5.6)
Walk for 3 minutes (3.8)
Run for 5 minutes (5.6)

Cool down with 3.8 walking for a while, then about five minutes of 2.5 walking. It wasn't too terribly bad, but the last 5 minutes had me panting pretty good.

The next session is supposed to be:

Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then:
Jog 3/4 mile (or 8 minutes)
Walk 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes)
Jog 3/4 mile (or 8 minutes)

But I may just stay on the 5 min/3 min thing until next week, unless I really feel like pushing myself.

One thing I can very clearly see is that I'm not going fast enough. The running/walking intervals were supposed to take me to 2.5 miles today, and I was just at 2.5 when I was finished, including my warmup and cooldown. So I guess if I want to hit this thing, I need to pick up the pace a bit.

We'll see what I feel up to doing tomorrow.

A Lovely Birthday Celebration

I have so many reasons to be thankful, I'm not sure you have the time to read them all, so I'll condense and spread them all out over the next few days or so.

It's been a long time since my now-seventeen-year-old daughter Bard and I went out on a girls' day out together, so I decided that I would treat her to a whole day of shopping, dining and enjoying each other's company for her birthday. Since she had choir on Saturday (her entire choir sang Happy Birthday with full harmonies. Beautiful!), we were already going to be in the Big City, so I arranged for Bo to take care of the necessities at home, including delivering soup to Houdin's 30-Hour-Famine fast and delivering pizzas in the evening, and we took the day off to go play.

What a fun day we had! Lunch at Panera; over to the ritzy pet boutique to ogle over the puppies; shopping at Target, Sam's Club and Kohl's; a movie--Music and Lyrics with the witty and loveable Hugh Grant (with no popcorn--we both exercised very strong willpower and were thankful for it. Movie popcorn ALWAYS makes me sick); dinner at The Waffle House, where I scored a free coffee mug, just for asking; and we hung out at Borders until it was just about closing time; and then we drove home. We took our time all day long, enjoyed each other's company, laughed a lot, and it was wonderful.

Thank you, Bard, for such a fine time. I'm so glad we got to do that!

::: she was sixteen, going on seventeen :::

Seventeen years ago today, I was only beginning to know the pleasure of the person we call "Bard." She was a gift, an amazing present, and I have treasured her daily. Her mind has always astounded me, from the way she memorized entire movies at four, to the way she began reading at an early age, to the way she always uncomplainingly gives her time to accomplish family goals. She's driven and motivated, does her learning entirely on her own. She's beautiful, talented, intelligent and, most of all, very funny. I will continue to embrace every day with her as she grows closer to adulthood.

God bless you, Bard. I know He has blessed me with you.

Drop by her xanga to wish her a happy birthday, if you like. If you can, tell her what you remember about being seventeen, what you worried about, what you thought about. It will be very helpful to her on this birthday that she's really not all that thrilled about having.

Snow Day

I hit the snooze button four times before the phone rang. I figured it would be Kim calling to see if we were going to hit the treadmill today, but it was the forensics coach, Carol, asking me if I'd registered for the next tournament. Unless I'd registered in my sleep somewhere between the first alarm and the last snooze-button-slap, the answer was no.

Wide awake with concern that I'd missed registering the kids for their events, I fumbled my way through booting up the computer and navigating to the tournament registration site. It was then that I looked out the window and saw the accumulation of snow. Not only was there a thick, gorgeous blanket of white all over the hillside, but the sky was scattered with snowflakes. I knew immediately that it would be a cozy-up-at-home kind of day.

Cancelled running. Cancelled piano lessons. Forfeited my trip to the grocery store. Sent Bo to the bank in the 4-wheel-drive.

Me? I stayed home. In my jammies. And my slippers. All. Day. Long. Registered the kiddoes successfully ($162 in tournament fees?!? I need to do a fundraiser and fast!), very distantly oversaw Houdin's making of lunch (taco dip. ayum), made a delicious comfort food, listened to piano practicing, watched the kids dress up for snow fun and then head back in again, drank a cup of Houdin's homemade hot cocoa, cuddled with the doggies and kids, and read, read, read.

With our schedule being what it's been--forensics, algebra, worldview, chemistry, drama, choir, piano, church, youth group, fundraisers, social events, life in general--some of our Ambleside subjects have fallen by the wayside. Not forgotten. Just put on hold. It's the read-alouds, really, and we do have a lot of them.

So a good portion of today was spent curled up with kids all around listening to Mama read. The Kon Tiki Expedition. Madame How and Lady Why. A Tree in the Trail. An Island Story. Fifty Famous Tales. This Country of Ours. And this evening, we will finish the most recent chapter of Gone-Away Lake. I'd liked to have read more, but for some reason I get incredibly tired when I read aloud and feel the very impending need for a nap. So I broke it up in bits and read in different spots.

It was definitely a sedentary day.

And now my dear children are waiting for me to watch the play they've prepared.

What do you do on snow days?

Our Animals

Donna over at Quiet Life asked readers to tell about our animals. If there's one thing we have plenty of in this family, it's pets. Somehow we have become the central adoption center for all unwanted pets within a fifty-mile radius. Currently in our pet-friendly family, we are home to:

~Three goats
~Seven rats
~Three turtles
~An indoor cat
~Seven outdoor cats
~A dozen or so chickens
~An iguana
~A potbellied pig
~Two rabbits
~A parakeet
~And five dogs, four of whom have been rescued from less-than-happy homes.

Our latest adoptee is a sweet five-year-old female Jack Russell Terrier named Scarlett who isn't quite sure about the housetraining thing yet. She's doing well, has taken wonderfully to her crate and understands the use of the dog door, but she was apparently given her former house as her potty or was kept inside/locked up for extended periods, because she seems to think that rugs and other soft objects are her private potty places. Thank goodness for hardwood floors, and she is, indeed, getting much better. And I think, after work and training, she will be a wonderful friend.

Our animals are part of our family. We welcome them, protect them, enjoy them and include them. Wherever there is a child, you will see an animal close behind: a cat wandering along the path or stretching out on a lap; a dog bounding along beside a bicycle or a sled or a group of explorers; a rabbit or chicken in the arms of a visitor; baby animals surprising us on a Spring morning. Animals are part of our education. They add discipline to our days and compassion to our hearts. They enrich our lives.

What role do animals play in your life?

Couch Potato to 5K: Week 4, Day 2

Kim and I met at the gym and decided to begin with a stretching session. We haven't been stretching beforehand at all, but going right into it with a five-minute brisk warm-up walk.

After the stretch and the five-minute walk, we did our Week Four intervals. This was my second day of doing Week Four and Kim's first, but she'd gone to the gym alone and done a higher-paced Week Three day, so she was ready for this.

Our intervals went like this:

Five Minute brisk warm-up walk at 3.8 mph
Three minute jog at 5.2 mph
90 second walk at 3.8 mph
Five minute jog at 5.3 mph
2.5 minute walk at 3.8 mph
Three minute jog at 5.3 mph
90 second walk at 3.8 mph
Five minute jog at 5.3 mph

That took us to 24 minutes total and a little over 2 miles, so we walked 3.8 mph for the rest of the 5K (3.1 miles) and then walked at 2.5 mph for the remainder of our hour. Then we did some cool-down stretching and experimented with an ab machine.

That second three-minutes was very tough for me--much tougher than the first five minutes. The last five minutes was pretty tough, too, and around four minutes, I felt nausea coming on, but pushed past it. Yeah, I feel like a wimp, but considering that the nausea used to come at 45 seconds, I'm thrilled to be to this place.

We're going to try to push ahead to Week Five next week. Can we do it?

I'm willing to wager. ;-)

Thirsty for Worship

I hadn't realized how important praise and worship music is to me until I was standing there fighting the tears.

The church we attend is a very small Mennonite church. When I say very small, I mean that regular attendance equals less than 100 people each Sunday and there are only a handful of teens in the youth group. Please don't think I'm complaining. I like it this way. I've been to mega-churches many times, and it's just not my cup of tea. Give me a little chapel with a nice blend of children and old ladies, regular carry-ins, a pastor who knows my name, and I'll be a happy church-goer.

We chose this church after a very long search for several reasons. First, my good friend Linda invited us and made us feel very welcome. Second, the youth group is small, so even though there are only three homelearning families, we're majority. Third, the people are very friendly and made us feel welcome right from the start.

We stayed for several reasons, too. I'm a pacifist. I'm pro-life across the board. I believe that our energy is better spent on serving others than fighting others. I believe that Jesus was a pacifist. I believe that He called us to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us. After all, when Jesus was being led to his death and Peter chopped off the ear of the high priest's servant, Jesus stopped the fighting, picked up the ear and healed His attacker. The lessons I hear on Sunday morning encourage me in this path. It's not an easy one, especially in the Christian community where pro-Bush bumper-stickers dot many of the vehicles of my fellow homelearners. The Mennonite church espouses the sanctity of all life, and the importance of stewardship of our environment, and the servitude we're called to give to all the world.

We also stayed because we have been continually made to feel welcomed. We've been included in everything from youth group functions to soup suppers to the vote for the new pastor.

And that's what this Sunday entailed.

One of the biggest challenges about staying at this church is that it's a body in transition. While we came in after the big scuffle, apparently the church was divided over what direction they should take. Cling tightly to Mennonite traditions or venture into more contemporary ways? Reach out to the community to draw in more members or adhere to a cliquish mentality? Stay with traditional hymns or enter into contemporary praise and worship? From what I know, the previous pastor wanted to venture, reach out, enter in to the contemporary. Eventually, because there was so much division, he left his position and an interim pastor was assigned.

Now, our pastoral candidates are a young couple, under 30, who would serve as both pastor (the husband) and assistant pastor (the wife), he fulfilling 75% of the pastoral duties, she filling the remaining 25%.

I don't know if it was necessarily because this Sunday was the voting Sunday (they call it "affirmation," but it's basically a vote), or if it just happened to fall this way, but a group of students from Bluffton University presented our Sunday service.

Wow.

The contemporary praise and worship was something I knew I'd been missing, but I hadn't realized how much. I hadn't realized that I'd really been held back, worshiping in a service where no one raises their hands, no one claps--either in praise or as applause for either God or the musicians, no one seems to be filled with JOY when they worship. Instead, it seems that worship is planned and regimented, that there is a focus on singing in parts instead of singing with the heart.

But seeing those Bluffton students sing, seeing them lift their hands, the joy on their faces, the beauty of their voices. Oh! My soul was thirsty for that! And I could barely control the tears.

I know that there are some in the congregation who don't prefer that type of worship. But for me, it was a balm. I do hope we can incorporate more of it, because I'm not sure how long I can continue being a part of a church that holds back so much in their worship time.

When the votes came in, there was 100% agreement on the new pastors. I do look forward to seeing where they'll take us, finding if they'll breathe new and exciting life into this body of believers.

I know that this body and soul really needs it.

::: a book :::

He ate and drank the precious words,
His spirit grew robust;
He knew no more that he was poor,
Nor that his frame was dust.
He danced along the dingy days,
And this bequest of wings
Was but a book. What liberty
A loosened spirit brings!

~Emily Dickinson

::: homekeeping meme :::

Aprons - Y/N? If yes, what does your favorite look like?

Yes. I love aprons. Aprons are things I have to be very careful about not over-buying because I just get this magical nostalgic feeling when I see a good one. I have several favorites for different purposes. I have a few long green chef's aprons for when I'm dressed for guests but still cooking. I have a grey apron with a handtowel attached, given to me by my mother-in-law, that I use for everyday. I have several vintage aprons that I've collected, and also a few that the girls and I have given to us by my mother-in-law from her mother-in-law's things.

Baking - Favorite thing to bake: Quiches, pizzas and cheesecakes.

Clothesline - Y/N? I have one at our cabin, but not up here at the house. I'm lobbying hard for one, but my husband hasn't quite caught the vision. I keep trying to tell him that hanging out linens is THE ONLY way to eliminate dust mites. Maybe this summer I'll get one. When I lived at the cabin, I really felt a strong connection to my clothesline. That right there? May have been the lamest thing I've ever said.

Donuts - Have you ever made them? Oh, yes. Greasy donuts are a weakness of mine, but I have tried to steer clear of them since I've been running. Bo taught us how to make donuts using storebought biscuit dough. Not gourmet, but interesting.

Every day - One homemaking thing you do every day: Putz around, cleaning and wiping things.

Freezer - Do you have a separate deep freeze? Yes, but I would love to have another. One for meats and one for veggies and breads.

Garbage Disposal - Y/N? Several. They're called dogs, cats, goats, pig, chickens, children, husband, father, rats, rabbits...

Handbook - Home Comforts.

Ironing - Love it or Hate it? I'm kinda in-between. I like ironing once I get it started, but we don't really have a lot that needs ironed.

Junk Drawer - Y/N? We call it a "tool drawer," thankyouverymuch.

Kitchen - Color and decorating scheme? Natural Hickory (top) and milk-paint cabinets in hunter green (bottom) with a bisque on the walls. Lots of wood. White and green dishes. Above cabinets changes seasonally.

Love - What is your favorite part of homemaking? When things are absolutely organized and clean and I'm baking or cooking something and someone just happens to stop by.

Mop - Y/N? No. I clean on my hands and knees, then I can get the baseboards, cupboards, etc.

Nylons - Dont' really wear them.

Oven - Do you use the window or open the door to check? Open the door.

Pizza - What do you put on yours? Feta, onions, fresh garlic, olive oil, spinach, fresh basil and oregano, mozzarella, homemade sauce, and whatever else happens to be around. Pizza-making is a creative experience. It's an art!

Quiet - Cook or bake, check e-mail, read either to myself to or the kids.

Recipe card box - Y/N? What does it look like? I have a drawer, a shelf full of cookbooks and two notebooks that need some more organizing.

Style of house - What is the style of your house? Greek revival farmhouse, two-story, white with green shutters and a porch on two sides.

Tablecloths and napkins - Y/N? If Sweetheart is around, yes. She always gets everyone a napkin.

Under the kitchen sink - Organized or toxic wasteland? Ick.

Vacuum - Right now, our vacuum is broken, so it's few and far between when I can borrow a vac. Since we have wood floors all over the main floor, it gets swept daily.

Wash - How many loads of laundry do you do per week? I could never even take enough time to count. Dozens.

X's - Do you keep a list of things to do that you cross off? Oh, yes. Definitely. I'm a list-maker.

Yard - Y/N? Who does what? Dearest Bo does the mowing, I do the landscaping/gardening, he and boys do the tilling, kids and I do the weeding, I do the dreaming. :-)

Zzz's - What is your last homemaking task before going to bed? Putzing and tidying. I like to see the kitchen cleaned so I can awake to a clean kitchen. It gets me down if it's messy in the morning.

I tag PeacefulLady, Impromptu Mom, SewDuck's Jill, Diane from Circle of Quiet and Donna from Quiet Life.

I'd really like to tag ALL of my readers, so let me know if you do this so I can go see what you wrote!

Couch Potato to 5K: Week 4, Day 1

I wish I could get myself as motivated to go running BEFORE I do it as I feel AFTER I've done it. I think this is a cruel joke that God has decided to play on us humans. Okay, I don't really think that; I honestly don't think God is cruel, but still, I wonder why He, in His infinite wisdom, made it so that we have more energy after we've done aerobic activity than we have before.

For whatever reason, every morning, I have to convince myself that I really do need to go running, that it's no okay to skip a day, that I don't have more important things to do (like checking my e-mail seventy-eight times), and that I can actually achieve the goal I've set for myself before I'll get myself out of bed and on my way to the trail or the gym (I keep typing "trial" instead of "trail." Does that mean something?)

Today was another one of those days.

But when I finally made it to the gym, I determined to kick myself into gear and go for Week Four of the Couch Potato to 5K program I'm trying to kill myself with master. Week Four looks like this:


Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then:
Jog 1/4 mile (or 3 minutes)
Walk 1/8 mile (or 90 seconds)
Jog 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes)
Walk 1/4 mile (or 2-1/2 minutes)
Jog 1/4 mile (or 3 minutes)
Walk 1/8 mile (or 90 seconds)
Jog 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes)

That's two miles of running/walking plus a five minute warm-up and a five minute cool-down. And I did it. It's out of the way. Two more of these babies, and I could, conceivably, move on the Week Five.

It really wasn't all that hard. I did a 3.8 mph warmup walk for five minutes, then I intervaled with 5.1 mph jogs and 3.8 mph walks. I cooled way, way down with a 2.5 mph cooldown, so it all totalled out to a little over 3 miles and it took about 45 minutes, including the warm-up and cool-down.

I'm worried that using the treadmill is easier than hitting the trail (it's been too cold to run outside) and that, when I get to the trail, it will be harder and I'll have to work myself back up to where I think I am.

Ah, well. I guess I'll just work towards my goal and get there when I get there.

Anyone else running with me?

That's for me...

I wasn't sure I wanted to run today. I just feel apathetic about it. So I was wasting my time putzing around on the computer, preparing for an upcoming workshop when I read this:

"Stick with me, friends. Keep track of those you see running this same course, headed for this same goal. There are many out there taking other paths, choosing other goals, and trying to get you to go along with them. I've warned you of them many times; sadly, I'm having to do it again. All they want is easy street. They hate Christ's Cross. But easy street is a dead-end street. Those who live there make their bellies their gods; belches are their praise; all they can think of is their appetites."

I'm heading to the gym, now...

First Tournament of the Year!

Last year was the first that the Thicket kids competed in a forensics tournament, and while the preparation season was grueling, the competitions themselves were a flurry of excitement and good times.
This year, sixteen-year-old Bard (right, puzzling over current technology) and fifteen-year-old Houdin (left, appearing behind his perplexed sister) are competing in both debate and speech. In addition, younger siblings Monet (11) and Sweetheart (7) are experiencing their first forensics season.
Some highlights of the tournament:

Houdin discovered the attention-getter that was the windows overlooking the narthex. The narthex was the central meeting place for all of the the clubs who gathered for the Christian Communicators of Ohio (CCO) Tournament. Houdin decided to use the overlooking windows as his personal stage, garnering the attention of competitors young and old. His performance did not escape the attention of the tournament gurus who posted signs on the windows announcing that "these windows are not for your amusement." Darn. I wish I knew whose amusement they were for. I'd love to be that guy.

Bard was a bit bummed because she didn't place in an Individual Events (speech) category. Last year, she placed third for her Programmed Oral Interpretation (POI) at one of the tournaments and made it to the final round with either her POI or her prose piece at each tournament. But this year, she focused a lot of attention on her novice debating skills and her Duo Humorous Interpretive (H-Duo) piece (a funny piece performed with a partner), not paying as much attention to her POI. While she was disappointed to not place in an IE event, her hard work on the Debate front paid off. She was awarded second place Novice Speaker. Rumor has it that her team also placed second, going 3 and 1 in her rounds and beating the first place team during the round they debated them.
It was hard work for Sweetheart to get up in front of people she didn't know and present a memorized, creatively interpreted piece three times. She had a hard time getting started the first and second time, but by the third time, she was a pro. You can see her in the photo to the left right beneath the cross. All junior speakers were awarded a bag of candy for their participation. Sweetheart was happy to share hers with those who weren't juniors.

Monet worked hard on his piece, too, but the prose category is really competitive, with lots of speakers entered. While his ballots had very good markings, he didn't place in this tournament. We're working hard to improve what the judges thought needed improving, and he's polishing his piece so that he can do even better for the upcoming second tournament. Next time, Monet. Next time.
But the big, very fun, surprise was the H-Duo category. This has been the hottest, most talked-about category of the season. Houdin and his partner, Sam, are performing a piece from Adventures in Odyssey;they've filled it with hilarious voices, great facial expressions and a thought-provoking message. For their work, they placed SECOND in the H-Duo category! In the photo to the left, you can see Houdin and Sam (second and third from the right) looking shocked and surprised at their own success, having gone up against some really good pieces. Again, we're already working on improving their piece so that they might be able to take it to First Place at the next tournament.

Way to go, speakers! You're all just amazing for working so hard and doing so well.

Couch Potato to 5K: Week 3, Day 2

My new hobby is chatting with other runners. I don't really mean to do this; somehow, it just happens. For instance, I was at our first speech tournament of the year this past weekend (update on that later) and I sat down to chat with my son's debate partner's mother. Turns out that she ran her first marathon last summer and has been running since she was in high school. She encouraged me to keep running, reminded me how good it is for me, promised me that there will come a time when I won't want to die every time I run.

Thursday morning was not one of those times.

I decided to go running on Thursday because I knew we'd be at the tournament all weekend and I likely wouldn't have time or opportunity to take a jog. Once I was on the track, I decided to move on up to the next level of the Couch Potato to 5k. Week Three. 90 seconds running, 90 seconds walking, 3 minutes running, 3 minutes walking. It. Was. Torture. I'm not going to lie about it. I was panting, praying, and coming thisclose to dying.

But live I did. I did intervals for 33 minutes and was on the trail for a total of 50 minutes.

More than actually stay alive, I actually felt good when I was finished. AND I felt good enough that I went running again today. Kim and I braved the weather and, er...um...visited the health club again. What? Stop looking at me like that. I know I said I really love the outdoors and don't mind running in the cold, but it was BELOW ZERO this morning! That's, like, BELOW ZERO! They called school off everywhere! I may be insane, but I'm not crazy.

So we did the treadmill thing, and we decided to do the Week 3 thing together.

And I actually didn't want to die while I was on the treadmill. You know what else? It really wasn't all that hard! Now, I may not have run as fast as I could have, and I didn't have to brave the cold, but I actually did the intervals and didn't want to gnaw my own leg off.

We did 35 minutes of intervals and 60 minutes of exercise total.

And you know what else? Kim talked me into standing on the scale again. And I'm at 174! Yeah me! That means that I have less than forty pounds to go to reach my target weight, and it means that I actually HAVE lost weight! Especially considering that I weighed in at 185 last time I stepped on the scale.

I'm thankful for encouragement. This is almost addictive, now. While I may want to die again in the future, for now, Kristi's right--I'm actually enjoying it!

WHERE IS EVERYONE?

It's like a ghost town here! Have you all gone to a big Blogging party and forgotten to invite me?

The quiet has me disquieted. Goodness gracious...SAY something!

Couch Potato to 5K: Trying to Give Up

I found a way out of it yesterday. After all, I'd slept fitfully through the night. I don't think I'd had more than a couple of hours of sleep, tops. And that's all put together. I certainly didn't get that much all at one time.

And the stomach pain. How could I run with stomach pain? I mean, it's not completely my fault that I ate two pieces of birthday cake. And ice cream. I hadn't had birthday cake with its Crisco-based icing for ages. Sure, I had to force myself to eat it, to choke it down. But I finally convinced myself it was good, and the cake part actually was. Well, so was the ice cream part. But that's always good. I didn't say I hadn't had ice cream in ages. Just Crisco-icing cake.

So how could I really have been expected to run yesterday?

And it all turned out fine, anyway. Kim needed a break, too. I decided to try harder the next day. Which was today.

When the alarm went off, I pretty much wanted to die. When I awake on running days, that's basically my first conscious thought. "I want to die. I can't run today. I'll fail. I want to die."

My stomach turns all knotty. I worry about my bladder. What if I have to pee while we're running? Then what? I worry about my bowels. I've seen those photos of marathon runners with the brown stains on their behinds. What in the world is worth that?

I slammed my hand on the "snooze" button. Okay, I really just pushed it with my finger. But I felt like slamming it. Rolling over, I tried to get a few more minutes of sleep. But I couldn't. My brain said, "You can't do it. You're such a wimpy burger. You really, really are a failure, aren't you?" And I, crying like a little girl, said, "Yes. Yes, I am. And I'm not getting out of this bed."

But eventually, my body urged me out of bed, and I slid from the warm, cozy cocoon into the world of good morning.

"Good morning," my husband Bo mumbled.

"Ergh," I answered.

"What's wrong?" he asked, concerned.

"Arachk," I spat.

"What's the matter?" he persisted.

"I have to run. I have to...run. I hate running. I don't want to go. Why do I have to go?"

"Baby. Don't go, then," the demon temptation that is my husband spoke.

"What's the MATTER with you? Of COURSE I have to go! I'm not giving up all this work I've done! I'm not quitting for nothing! How dare you?"

I checked the weather. Fourteen degrees. I hear insanity slips away from you around fourteen degrees.

I pulled on my black long underwear and my tan Columbia Omni-Tech® Nubby Faille HP™ with 100% polyester Ultra-Wick™ brushed mesh lining cargo pants, a built-in-bra camisole and three layers of shirts, topped with a hooded sweatshirt. And one pair of socks. My feet usually don't get cold when I run.

We were the only ones on the trail, Kim and I.

"Are we gonna run?" She asked.

"I don't know," I confessed.

I told her all about my morning battle, how I psyche myself out, convinced that if I come running, I'll surely miss my goal. I'll surely fail. And then what?

"Let's just try," she said.

And we did.

There had been others on the trail before us, evidenced by their footprints in the snow, but they turned around during our first interval.

"This is now uncharted territory," I told Kim as we puffed along. "We're officially insane."

But I'm not so sure about that, even now as I sit in the warm house with my sheepskin slippers keeping my toes toasty. If I could but describe the beauty of the winter trail, the snow-capped trees, the silent snow, the peace, I would rival Wordsworth, Dickinson, Teasdale and Longfellow combined. This snow, this scene, was too beautiful for words. Ocassionally, the wind would catch a branch and, like a domino effect, a few completely soundless clumps of snow would crash, unheard, into a pine bough, which would move in seeming slow-motion, bouncing noiseless and flinging more silent snow to the ground, like giant hushed snowflakes begging for a laconic description. There is none. "Silent," is the banal, overused word that just keeps lunging into my mind. But it's not enough.

We trudged on, and I pushed myself. "If I let my brain win," I told Kim, "I'll give up. I'll be a failure." And so we ran more, longer, endured. And when we thought we were done, we ran one more interval, just in case.

90/90, 2 min/2 min, 2 min/2 min...repeat. We did three repetitions in all, 36 minutes of nine running/walking intervals, and then we walked the remainder back, noticing the difference of our lone back-trail, mine tattling how my feet kick outward as I run, Kim's as straight and steady as a pair of railroad tracks.

We high-fived when we finished. Kim did a little victory dance. My body had won. My brain had been defeated. We'd passed another milestone. We'd lived to run another day. I'd tried to give up, but I hadn't let me.

Next time, I'll likely try to find a way out again. But remembering this day will help. As will the encouragement of my friends (Hi, John! Hit the road!) and even my dear husband, who isn't a demon at all, but the very one who assures me that "it's going away" and he pats my posterior.

It's going away.

Bella

It's hard to have nieces and nephews so far away, but it's wonderful to have e-mail and other ways of communicating so that I can see how they're growing and changing. Here's my niece, Bella, from a photograph taken and edited by my mother-in-law. I wish I could be there to hug her and kiss her chubby cheeks. It sucks being so far away. It's one of the reasons I pray that my kids try to stay close to home, but I know I have no control over that. Still, I'm lobbying. Bard, the best colleges are in Ohio. So are the best husbands. You know that, right?

Right?

Pizza Party!

I hurried home from church yesterday to begin making pizza dough. It was important to start early, because I needed to make enough dough to feed nineteen children and seven adults, and prepare enough toppings for them to each make their own custom pizzas.

Last night was our homeschool group's family fellowship night. Once a year, during January, we skip the monthly meeting and meet in small groups in homes. This year, our family hosted and I took Bo's suggestion of preparing all of the ingredients and crusts and letting people create their own culinary masterpieces.

Guests arrived just as I was finishing the top crust on the Spinach and Onion Deep Dish Pizza Pie. I'd purchased a bunch of pizza screens in both 7" personal and 14" sizes. We have two ovens, so we fired them both up and got to work. I showed the kids how to stretch the dough and put it on the screen, then they took their turns heaping their pizzas with toppings while one of the dads treated us to a few selections on the piano. Very, very nice! It was really a fun time. My favorite pizza was the white pizza with feta cheese, spinach, fresh garlic, parmesan and olive oil. Delicious! I had enough sauce and dough balls left over to freeze and the ladies helped me clean up.

I'd love to do it again. Pizza party, anyone?

A New Face!

I've needed a facelift on my blog for quite some time. When I saw The Circle of Quiet, I decided to fire an e-mail off to Seth and see if there was any hope for my little home on the web. After my many fickle mind-changes, Seth patiently created this lovely new design for me. I hope you like it!

Be sure to visit Seth for a very reasonable facelift for your blog, too!

A Birthday!

For months, The Baby has been talking about her upcoming birthday. She would tell anyone she met, saw, briefly passed or thought about that her birthday was coming, and she would be four.

"I want a pink birthday with purple," she'd say.

Yesterday, she got that birthday.

It just so happened that it coincided with a houseconcert we hosted, so we tossed the birthday into the same hat as the houseconcert and ended up with a rip-roarin' good time.

The best gift The Baby received was a painting made just for her by my friend and running buddy, Kim. The Baby had told Kim all about her birthday plans, complete with the pink birthday with purple, so Kim got inspired and created the lovely painting you see above, which now holds a prominent place in my hallway where everyone can see it.

What a blessing to have such a gifted artist for a friend!

The Baby also received Polly Pockets from her sister, a wooden birthday cake set and Playmobil toys from her siblings, and a heap of thrift store goodies from mom and dad including books, necklaces, dolls and cutie-patootie clothes.

Today we had cake, and, at The Baby's request, I bought pink cupcakes with sprinkles, just like the ones in the painting. I think that tomorrow we'll have a little tea party, too, just to extend the birthday celebration.

Thank God for little girls--and, today, especially this one. Happy pink and purple birthday, Baby!

My daughter made me do it...

My daughter made one of these silly quizzes, so I decided to make one, too. How well do you know me? Don't let the name throw ya. I didn't want to be known to all the world. Warning: you have to sign in for your score to show up on the board. I just used a bunch of hooey to sign in. ;-)

The Thighs, They Are a'Changin'

I don't know if I'll ever get the hang of this running thing. I was so proud of myself on Monday for finishing my run and thought that today would be easy since I'd already done it. Guess what?

It kicked my tuckus.

From the second I stepped onto the trail (I just typed "trial" and corrected it. I shoulda left it), I was wondering when I would be done. Ugh! It was work every. step. of. the. way! And looking for the bluebirds? Forget it. It didn't cut it at all. I tried counting in my head. I tried staring at my feet. I tried letting my mind drift. Nothing doing. It was hard, hard, hard, all the way. I felt like I was going to vomit a couple of times, and I literally wanted to quit, but I didn't. Kim and I finished the goal. 90 seconds jogging (and I do mean j.o.g.g.i.n.g. Every muscle and flabby place on my body flopped like a dying fish), 90 seconds walking, then two minutes jogging and two minutes walking.

It was tough, I tell ya. Tough. Kim handled it like a trooper (she *is* superior to me, I must say) and barely even panted. But me? I was close to howling.

But I did it. And we're that much closer to Week Three (90 seconds jogging, 90 seconds walking, 3 min jogging, 3 min walking). We both confessed today that we're really not in that big of a hurry, and that, while running a 5K sounds yummy, it wouldn't break our hearts if we didn't make the goal. We *could* do it, if we really, really, really, really, really, really wanted to. But do we really, really, really, really, really want to? (I just typed all those "reallies," but the way. No cheating with the cut-n-paste for me.)

In a way, I do. I mean, that's what inspired me to start running in the first place, seeing a group of sweaty human beings crossing a finish line on Turkey Day. There were even a couple of people in costumes. There was, no joke, a running banana and two running penguins. I'm not sure I'm that crazy.

But I would like to run in the Spring 5K here. If, that is, I could talk my body into it. Ack.

I have to admit, though, that under the flab that's on my legs? Muscles. Oh, yeah. I can feel 'em. I mean, literally, with my hand, I can feel 'em. How weird is that? I wake up each morning and pull on my belly fat to see if it's any smaller (remember the "pinch and inch" commercials? I've got enough for all of ya), then I feel my hips and legs to remind myself that, yes, I have been actually running. This isn't a dream. Then I look in the mirror to see if my love handles are gone yet. Not quite, but they're getting there. Before you know it, there'll be less of me to love.

That reminds me--do you know that I actually have real, valid reasons for staying overweight? I do. I have actually talked myself into believing that being overweight is a good thing! For example, I've comforted myself with the knowledge that I'm not a stumbling block for any woman's husband. I've also patted myself on the back for being non-threatening to my friends. I've preened in front of the mirror reminding myself that I'm the kind of woman Rembrandt or Rubens would have painted, full-figured and healthy. I've pounded it into my head that extra pounds are healthier. I've thought that I'm just meant to be this size. I've thought all of this. And more.

But I've never been happy being overweight. I've longed to be truly healthy since I first gained this weight eighteen years ago.

I want to keep running, in spite of the fact that I want to quit running. Does that make any sense at all? It doesn't have to. It's just true.

It's really hard to type when I have to keep stopping to feel if my thighs have shrunk any more, so I'll just leave you with this last thought. I'm reading the book French Women Don't Get Fat and the author says that it's important to institute a lifestyle that you know you'll maintain. I'm trying to find that balance now. It's very difficult. Tonight, I just wanted a great big steak and a large, fully-loaded baked potato and a roll slathered with butter. That seems to be a trend. I've wanted beef recently like nobody's business.

It's just another sign.

My body is changing. I can just feel it.

An Actual Bedtime Conversation

The Baby decided she wanted to sleep with her big sister Bard tonight. I had the distinct pleasure of praying for both of them.

After the prayer was over, The Baby showed Bard the boo-boo on her toe.

Bard: "Don't play with it."
The Baby: "Why?"
Bard: "Because your toe will fall off."
The Baby, looking at me: "Nuh uh!"
Me: "You know what Bard is?"
The Baby: "What?"
Me: "A liar."
Several minutes go by as we discuss other things and say our goodnights.
Me: "Goodnight, Baby. I love you. "
Bard (to Baby): "But she doesn't love me..."
Me: (to Baby): "Do you love her?"
The Baby: "A little bit."
Me: "I love her a lot. She's a good girl, actually."
The Baby, without missing a beat: "Yeah, but she's a liar."
Bard and I: laugh hysterically

Dang...

Well, I guess I got a little bit overexuberant. I went back and checked the CPto5K running schedule, and I'm actually on, like, week 2 1/2. Week three is 90 seconds of jogging, 90 seconds of walking, THREE minutes of jogging, then THREE minutes of walking, alternating for 25 minutes. Ick. I only did two minutes. And it was not at all jolly.

But still, I feel good, and I pushed myself further than I'd been before, and I'll be much more ready for Week Three when I finish this one because I stepped it up a little.

Onward!

Couch Potato to 5K: Week 3, Day 1

I'm on Week Three of the Couch Potato to 5K. I took 15-year-old Houdin along with me for moral support as well as being a body guard. He served as a distraction, too, tossing snowballs by my head and telling me silly stories so I didn't have to hit the pavement (read: snow) thinking, "When will this interval be over?" with each step. I was able to do eight intervals of 90/90 and 120/120 without dying. We then walked the rest of the way, totaling a one hour workout. I feel refreshed, but I was absolutely famished. Even after eating a full but healthy lunch, I was still hungry. Once home, I ate two mugs of vanilla ice cream, and now I feel happy and sleepy, though slightly guilty.

I discovered The Daily Plate today and thought you'd be interested, too. You can enter what you ate as well as your daily exercise and see how many calories you're afforded. I was encouraged by what I saw.

Tomorrow, walking with Bard.

What Is It with Us and Winter? A Tragedy Averted

For some reason, winter is always a problem for us. Terrible things seem to happen during winter. One year, I was very overdue with The Baby and my dad ruptured several discs in his back. We were living in a small cabin with no indoor bathtub or toilet and there was ice everywhere. For my dad to get back and forth to Ol' Rosy (the outhouse) was impossible, so he had to use a bedpan, which spilled on several occasions. I, and my very pregnant belly, spent a lot of time close to the floor that winter cleaning nasty messes.

Then one year our whole family got sick. Pneumonia, bronchitis, sinusitis, laryngitis--you name it, we had it. Bo was sicker than he'd ever been, unable to sleep and in terrible pain. On Christmas eve, I'd still not put up decorations, wrapped gifts, or anything. We were in the middle of building a house and everything just seemed hopeless.

Two years ago, we had a horrible ice storm and were without power for a week over the Christmas holiday.

Because we live on a hill, getting into the driveway once the winter weather hits is quite a challenge. The first winter we lived here, we were driving home from visiting friends up north and arrived home very late, to the tune of 2 a.m. When we reached our road, it was clear that we wouldn't be taking that route with our big van, so we tried an alternate route. That route was completely drifted over, a fact we didn't discover until we'd unsuccessfully attempted to navigate it and ended up back-end first in a snow drift. With a two-week old baby, four kids and a young guest in the car, we tried to figure out what to do. It was a two-mile walk in the drifting snow, by now it was 3 a.m, and we couldn't run the engine for fear of the tailpipe being blocked by the drift. We'd die of carbon monoxide poisoning. My husband had his cell phone and called my dad to rescue us. He got the Jeep stuck in a snowdrift and staggered through the storm a 1/2 mile to be stranded with us. We finally called a neighbor who brought his truck and shuttled us to our drive, where we trudged uphill and then steeply downhill to our littel cabin in the woods.

This year, we've had very mild weather. Until today. It was great for sledding and snowboarding, but when we arrived home from church, we were unable to get our van up the drive. That was tolerable this morning; there was nothing to carry. But this evening, we had fourteen gallon-jars filled with raw milk, a sleeping toddler, three bags of groceies and a few sundries to haul.

We decided to get out and push.

The three older kids and I got behind the van and pushed as hard as we could. At first, we didn't seem to make any headway, but then we moved it a couple of feet. The frightening thing was that everytime we seemed to get the thing moved, one of us would lose footing and the van would start sliding backwards. I thought for sure I was going to end up on the ground with the van sliding over me.

But we made it up the hill and into the parking area. There, we realized that our Jeep was parked on the wrong side of the garage, which would make it difficult to unload the van.

"Do you want to move the Jeep, or do you want me to?" asked Bo.

"Doesn't matter," I answered.

"I'll do it, then." And he hopped out of the car, leaving the van running.

Sweetheart asked if she could play in the snow. Her brothers had run down the hill after pushing the van instead of riding inside of it, and she thought it unfair that she'd not get to throw a few snowballs, too.

"It's dark," I protested. She lamented from the back seat.

The next thing I knew, fifteen-year-old Houdin was yelling Sweetheart's name. I looked over to see her lying on the ground behind the Jeep, the vehicle still moving slightly. It stopped, and Sweetheart scrambled to her feet, and then collapsed in frantic tears. My darling daughter had almost been backed over by her own father. He hadn't seen her. How could he have? She'd been bent to the ground to pack a snowball. I hadn't even realized she'd left the van.

While sixteen-year-old Bard was helping Sweetheart into the house and comforting her, Bo finished maneuvering vehicles and then began unloading the milk from the van. As I was putting away the mountains of hats, gloves and scarves, I hear a crash and a yell. I raced into the garage to see that one of the crates of milk had fallen out of the back of the van, shattering a glass bottle and breaking the lid off of a plastic one. Bo was beside himself with frustration.

At the same time all of this was going on, my dad was kneeling in the back of the van with his feet sticking out of the side, extracting The Baby from her carseat where she was groggily talking to him. I closed the front passenger door...on my dad's foot.

I'm not sure why these things happen in winter, but they seem to be very attracted to us. It made me think about how many things could go wrong during the day and how blessed we are that these things were potential tragedies, not real ones. At church tonight, someone announced that in a nearby city a car had slid off the bridge and crashed through the guardrail into the river. They still had located neither the car nor the passengers. How horrible those people must have felt. How terribly frightened they must have been as they realized what was happening to them, to see that river rushing toward them just before impact and to feel the icy water close in around them. My prayers immediately went up for them.

I don't know why God spared Sweetheart tonight. A foot or two further, and we might be in serious mourning right this moment. But we're all safe, as a family. We're warm and alive and blessed to be so.

I don't know, either, what it is about winter that brings these challenges, but if they come to you, too, during this time of year, please be safe and count your blessings.

Peace to you.

A Purple...Wha..?

I have no idea at all what this actually means, but apparently I'm a purple sofa. I'll go with that, I guess.

The Most Amazing Qu--Hey, Look, Candy! Your Result: Purple Sofa You're nice and squishy, and people like you a lot. In fact, I think everyone likes you. Plus you're purple. Everyone likes purple, and everyone likes sofas. Except guys don't like purple as much. Samuel L. Jackson likes purple. That's why he has a purple lightsaber. Only I don't know if that's his actual name. So it goes.
Polka Dotted Sasquatch
Emerald Rain
Swirling Vortex
Flaming Feather
Pickled Jellyfish
The Most Amazing Qu--Hey, Look, Candy! Make Your Own Quiz

::: today at "time to cook" :::

Today at Time to Cook, an essay on awaiting the first snow and a recipe for Simple Hot Cocoa and Homemade Whipped Cream. Drag out the sleds and the hot chocolate mugs and pop on over!

Card catalog generator, with hat tip to Hind's Feet.

It's the truth. It's actual...

When I went walking with Bard on Thursday morning, I remembered why I would much rather brave the cold, icy morning on the trail than stand on a treadmill in the warm, televisioncentric club.

Bluebirds.

Bard and I only had a short time to walk on Thursday morning, but I really felt that I needed to take that time. We bundled up and rushed to the trail, leaving behind us the fury that was a family preparing for debate class.

It was crisp and delicious on the trail. Trees creaked ominously above us while the occasional Northern Flicker or Downy Woodpecker laughed at the sillyness of our feet on the pavement. Up ahead, two male cardinals picked through the debris of a road apple, left there by one of the many horses that pull one of the many Amish buggies from the little Amish districts up North to the Stuf*Mart down south. That's one of the reasons this trail is so successful; it gives the Amish a way to travel off of the dangerous, speed-driven main roads from their simple homes to town--to join the bustle of the big town; the doctors' offices, the grocery store, the thrift store, Stuf*Mart, Burger King and Subway.

Shortly into our walk, a dart of blue flitted by, followed by another. And another. I pointed them out to Bard.

"The bluebird of happiness," she said.

It's not likely that's something you'll see in the club.

Yesterday morning, Kim kicked my butt with a little running-program-boost. For the first time, we did 90 second jogging and walking intervals. 90 seconds. No waiting until I was "ready." No prescribed 2 minute walking intervals. 90 seconds of jogging, ninety seconds of walking, and ninety seconds of jogging. We did this for twenty minutes, and then continued our regular walk for the remainder of the hour.

I have to admit that I absolutely dread getting up to run in the morning. When I awake and realize it's a running day, I literally get nauseated and I worry all the way until my very last joggy step. I'm sure I'm going to fail. I'm sure I'll never actually do this. I'll give up. I'm not even remotely able to think positive. I know, when I awake on running mornings, that I am going to die.

But when I'm out there, and I'm doing it, I know it's the right thing.

My feet hit the path in time with Kim's. All I can hear is my breathing and hers, and the crunch of our feet on the snow. Whatever I can do to occupy my mind until that interval is over takes over my whole existence--watching the trail move beneath my feet, picking a distant spot that will likely be our ending place (I often call it right. And I thought I had depth-perception problems.), counting very, very long seconds, coming up with a theme song for the run (yesterday, it was Run to the End of the Highway by Keith Green. How appropriate.), or concentrating on my breathing. Sometimes, I just try to let my body fly away and encourage my brain to do the same. I want to get to the place where this is easy, where it actually feels good to run. I'm trying to think positive, see?

The last leg of yesterdays run, we turned around and covered our previous path to make our way back to the trailhead. There was something incredibly comforting and encouraging about jogging over our lone footprints on the snow, the prints we'd made on on our seventh, sixth, fifth intervals. Our steps were even--our pace had been the same. No other prints disturbed the thin layer of snow, just ours. And as we ended our last jogging interval, we high-fived it. Yes. We'd done it. Another, higher goal had been met.

We walked the rest of the way back. I was even tempted to run a couple of times, but I decided to keep with the CPto5K program instead. Pace myself. Enjoy my victory. The snow danced so delicately around us. We talked about the wonder if them, the incredible uniqueness that proves there is a God who loves beauty. Who loves us.

And there were the bluebirds. I mentioned them to Kim.

"The bluebird of happiness," she said.

This is why I'll leave the treadmill where it belongs and take myself to the place where I belong--braving the weather and embracing the beauty of bluebirds.

::: bedtime prayers :::

Several years ago, I decided to relinquish my position as bedtime tucker-inner. My rationale was that I'm the mom; I'm with the children all day long; Dad is the dad; he's gone all day long; the children should have a memory of this ritual with their father.

So I handed over my bedtime duties to my husband Bo.

I don't know, exactly, how long he has been putting the kids to bed at night, but I do know (please don't be offended, dearest husband) that it has never been a smooth adjustment. Bo just doesn't put the kids to bed the way I do. He doesn't have that bedtime "touch." He isn't ritualistic in that "floating off to sleepytime-land" kind of way.

Now, you might argue that I was spoiled as a child. And you'd be absolutely correct. My father, the same man who dotes on all of the babies in their babyhood, doted on me when I was a wee one. When my father would put me to bed, he would spend a great deal of time putting me to bed. He would tuck me in, and he would tell me stories, and he would play funny games with me, like "Which of these creatures in the bed is my daughter?", kissing each of my stuffed animals as he pretended that they were me and then animatedly realizing his mistake. This could go on for what seemed like an eternity. Eventually, he would put me to sleep somehow, and tiptoe out of my room.

When my mother would put me to bed, she would sing me lullabyes and stroke my eyelids, just below my eyebrows, very lightly with the tip of her finger. I would lie very still, and my challenge was to keep my eyes closed for as long as I could after she'd left, believing that there was some type of magic in her fingertips that would vanish if I opened my eyes.

And while my parents were fabulous at the bedtime routine, there's one thing they never did that I always knew I'd do when I had children--say prayers over them.

Once I had children of my own, bedtime included all manner of ritual. First, a book. Then, a prayer. Then a big hug and a kiss. And sometimes, a visit back to the bedroom to chase away the "monsters."

When Bard was a toddler, the bedtime ritual wasn't complete until she had said, "Don't drop my house!" I would always promise not to drop her house. To this day, neither she nor I have any clue what she meant.

When the children would awake with nightmares or couldn't sleep because of the terrible, scary baddies lurking in the darkness, I would use my "monster spray," a can of air freshener, fitted with a new label proving that it was, indeed, monster spray. I would shake it overdramatically and spray it all over the room, ridding it of monsters.

As they grew a bit older, I had another little trick to chase the baddies away. I would come to the door and tell them to shout the name of Jesus and tell the children to listen closely. If they were very quiet, they would hear the baddies running away. When they hushed, I'd drum my hidden fingers on a doorway or wall, creating the fleeing footsteps of those cowardly critters. They soon grew wise to my little game, but asked me to do it anyway.

If all of this sounds like a lot of work to put a kid to bed, I guess it was. Eventually, I felt that I needed to hand the task over to my husband. But I could never quite let it go. I wanted him to do it like I did. I wanted him to read to them, and joke with them, and scare away the demons for them. But he never quite got the hang of the privilege of being the tucker-inner. Each time he would trot off to do the bedtime routine, he'd return within just a few minutes. I never understood how you could do a good bedtime routine in under five minutes. That's less than a minute per kid, for crying in the mud! Sometimes, he'd just stand in the hallway and pray for them all collectively. Remembering my own childhood bedtimes, I knew that this would never have been sufficient for me. And I was right. It wasn't sufficient for our kids. For the first several months of the transition, they would moan and complain when Dad would put them to bed. They would call for me. Beg for me. But I really felt that Daddy needed to do this. I tried to make suggestions. I encouraged longer bedtime sessions. I even gave him an anthology of stories to read to the younger children. It never really sunk in. And I've always felt that, somehow, I was cheating the kids. And maybe even cheating myself.

I've decided to take my tucker-inner position back.

For the past three nights, I've insisted on a certain bedtime. No yelling or prodding or coercing. If you're in bed, I'll read you a story and/or pray for you. If you're not, I'll hit the sack without tucking you in. It's that simple.

The second night I was on duty, Sweetheart, my seven-year-old daughter, closed her eyes quietly as I prayed for her. I have a certain way I say the prayers, and certain things I always say peppered with requests and thanks that are appropriate for the day. I always ask God to surround their beds with angels to guard and protect them. I always ask for sweet dreams. And I thank God for our home, and our activities that day, and for the child I'm blessing.

When I finished Sweetheart's prayer, she grabbed my face and said, "Now, I want to pray for you."

Let me tell you what it's like to get your socks blessed off.

The prayer began with her thanking God for her "sweet mother," and telling Him how much she appreciates all that her mother does for her, and how hard she works to make a lovely home for all of her children. She asked for God to bless her mother, to give her sweet dreams and to bless her with peace. And then she ended the prayer with words that brought tears to my eyes. She asked God to help her be kind to others, to treat others they way she likes to be treated.

"Thank you, God, for a mother that loves You. Help us all to grow up to love and serve You, too. In Jesus' precious name we pray, Amen."

I will never, ever again give up my tucker-inner duties. There is nothing you could pay me to let them go. You couldn't drag 'em from me with a team of wild horses.

If you haven't done it in a while, go tuck your kids in. It doesn't matter if they're five years old, or fifteen. Ending the day with a comforting word and a reassuring hug is truly relationship-building and serves as a very special ritual for both the tuckee and the tucker, a time to calm fears and heal wounds and offer apology and forgiveness.

And you might just get your socks blessed off, too.

In Pursuit of a Healthy Lifestyle

Scales are not a universal fixture of French bathrooms as they are in
America. And they can be dispiriting indicators of progress. A woman gains
weight with water retention during part of the month. OUr weight can vary for
other reasons, too (time of day, for instance), that have little do with whether
or not we are eating in balance. I did confirm the loss of kilos from time to
tim, but mainly I learned to be more attentive to the look and feel of my body
in my clothes. I could see it was changing. And when the scale registered my
loss of twelve pounds, it was only confirming what I seemed to know. I still
find getting into some slim-cut pants the best indication of pounds
melting--much easier, more reliable, and sexier. Use what French women call le
syndrome de la femeture eclair (zipper syndrome), or use a measuring tape.

Your equilibrium weight, as we have said, is very personal, depending on
many facotrs like age, body type, and for some people, even time of year.
Likewise, improvements are relative, not absolute. Just as French women do not
count calories, they mainly do not count pounds.

~Mirielle Guiliano
French Women Don't Get Fat

I began reading French Women Don't Get Fat yesterday after seeing a short piece on morning television featuring Guiliano while I was walking the treadmill Monday morning. As fate would have it, I remembered the book while I was at the library, our branch owns a copy, and it was actually checked-in. I delved into it like I would a chocolate cream stick, devouring every bite. (Great. Now I want to run to the bakery and buy a cream stick. Nice job, Thicky).

What Guiliano writes throughout the book makes a lot of sense. She talks about eating what you like, but in small portions, learning to eat with your mind--thinking about your food and why you're eating it. Of course, she discusses exercise, but she talks about all of it as a lifestyle that you love, not as a faddish diet that you endure. That's appealing to me.

Because I believe in real food. I believe in wheat and dairy and real, buttery fats. I don't like artificial butters, neither for their taste nor for what they represent to our agriculture. I believe in raw milk and high-quality cheese. I believe in good things, and in everything in moderation. I've just come to the place in my life where I like a glass of red wine; it's a much better choice for me than Dr. Pepper with my evening meal. And I appreciate the taste and cleansing properties of water, not diet sodas or diet shakes.

So, beginning yesterday, I took Guiliano's advice of writing down what I eat for three weeks to assess my eating habits. What do I eat and why?

I know generally, what my problem areas are. I can tell you right now.

~I'm too busy. I have five kids that have to be driven all over tarnation, and I end up running through a drive-through or stopping at a pizza place. This has gotten better, but our choir season has been on-hold. It starts up again this Saturday. That's when the massive driving begins.

~I'm too much of a procrastinator. I wait until I'm so hungry that I can't stand it, and then I'll eat anything that's quick. There are just so many fun (and not fun) things to do, like blogging and reading and thrift-store shopping and cleaning and laundry. Who has time to EAT?

~I'm picky. I'm actually a food snob, and I want things "just so." Because of that, I procrastinate, and then I eat a handful of nuts and a glass of milk. See previous note.

~I don't eat enough greens. One time, I bought a big, beautiful bunch of broccoli at the market. When I got it home and washed it, I found a great big, not so beautiful broccoli worm on the stem. Did you know that broccoli worms are exactly the same color as broccoli? Now, I'm as organic as I can be, but broccoli worms are right-out. Several years later, a girlfriend whose parents own a fruit and veggie farm invited me to pick all of the broccoli I wanted because it was the end of the season and it was going to go to waste in the frost. She took me to the field. We filled up bags and bags of broccoli. It all had worms on it. She showed me how to soak the broccoli in salt water and then blanche it before freezing it. Dead, boiled broccoli worms freaked me out. What if I didn't get them all? I served the broccoli to my family, but I only at it with much suspicion. I certainly didn't enjoy it. That sucks, because I love broccoli. I have the same kind of relationship with other greens, like spinach and romaine. How in the world do I get all of these little individual leaves clean? And I'm too cheap to buy the stuff in bags, prewashed. Except for spinach. I do that. Still, I'm wary. Who washes this stuff? And were they angry at their boss when they did it?

~I really like fats. I'm not so big on sweets, but fats do me in. Give me a bit plate of french fries and a cup of sour cream, and I'm on my way to Fat Heaven. My favorite snack is high-quality potato chips. I'd prefer a buttery-crusted grilled cheese sandwich to a chocolate bar any day. I love a fresh-baked hunk of bread slathered with butter. The only time that sweets are just as tempting as fats are if they're fatty sweets. A fried, glazed donut. A big, fat, greasy cream stick. A buttery, crunchy bowl of butter pecan ice cream. Stop me. Somebody please stop me.

~I like pop. I like Dr. Pepper and Coke and Cherry Coke. I like to drink them with my meals and will occasionally get a craving for one so badly that I have to drive somewhere to get a can, even if I have to pay $1 for one out of a vending machine.

I've really improved over the past few months. I haven't had a donut in weeks and weeks, though the best donut shop is a little Amish place I can literally see from my window right now. Cinnamon fries the size of your head. No joke.

I rarely drink pop with my meals now (always water).

I've greatly reduced the amount of drive-through trips I take, and when I do, I get a small burger and a water.

I've decreased my portions significantly, and I don't feel cheated. I actually feel good.

I still get distracted and rush too much, leaving me no time to sit down and eat or forcing me to skip meals.

I haven't figured out the greens thing yet. I'm open to suggestions. Although I can say that when I take the time to make a salad, I actually enjoy eating it. I guess the time, procrastination and food snob thing all work together against me, here.

Now I'm hungry, so I'm going to go have some homemade yogurt, another thing that Mileille Guiliano and I agree on.

Note to Self: Stay off the Scale

Yesterday was killer. I don't know what it was that knocked me down like it did, but I'm still not completely up again.

Some days are like this.

There are days when I feel like I can take on the world. Give me any chance, I'll take it. Give me any rule, I'll break it.

But there are other days, like yesterday...

I didn't want to get out of bed. I was supposed to run with Kim, but it was raining. Not just raining, but really, really raining in a gray, depressing kind of way. I was going to cancel our run, but Kim, being the ever-encouraging walking/running partner that she is, found a way around the dilemma and got us into the local club for the day. We did the treadmill for an hour, and it was absolutely no fun. I hate the televisions and the noise and the heat and the whole being-on-a-treadmill feeling. I'm much more of a nature girl, really. But we did it, and I think the little blinking lights said that I burned like 325 calories or something. Kind of depressing. Not really even a meal's worth.

And then I weighed myself. I weigh 185 right now. 185! That's terrible. I never, ever, ever want to weigh myself again. I guess it doesn't help that I used to be 110. I guess it doesn't help that I topped out at 180 when I was nine-months pregnant with my first child. I guess it doesn't help when I see that other people can lose a whole person in ten months, because I'm totally not interested in eating fake fats and counting everything I put in my mouth. I don't want to live that way, really. I just want to find a healthy, happy balance. I want to enjoy my life and not hate my body.

Yesterday, when I came home from the gym, I spent time wtih my kids for a while, reading and talking and laughing, and then I got really, really tired. By three o'clock, I crashed. I couldn't stay awake any longer. It didn't really matter if the house was burning down, or if my childen were shooting each other. I...just...needed...to...sleep. It was all I could do.

So, I closed my eyes and slept. For three hours, I slept.

When I awoke, my head was splitting open and there were angry thoughts in it.

I spent the entire rest of the evening in bed. My husband brought me wine and peanuts. My daughter brought me toast and eggs. I tried using my sinus mask, but it didn't help. I drank another glass of wine. Finally, I asked for ibuprofen, and I went to sleep.

This morning, I still didn't want to get out of bed. Is this illness or depression or what? But I did get out of bed, and I did actually go with Kim and we did actually run. Not three miles, or seven miles, or ten miles, or a marathon, but we ran. We ran a total of twelve minutes with intervals of walking in between.

Why doesn't that make me feel better? Why is it that I feel worse about myself right this minute, in my size-twelve thrift store pants, than I felt six months ago in my size-sixteen jeans? Why am I suffering this anxiety, that I'll never lose weight? That I'll be 185 forever? That I'll have to eat nothing and like it in order to look the way I want to look?

I don't know. Maybe this will pass. But today, I just want to go to bed and cry.

I might just do that.

Talk amongst yourselves. I'll return to my normal program following this plunge into depression.

Couch Potato to 5K: Week 2, Day 2

Fine flakes of snow drifted down around us as Kim and I continued our Couch Potato to 5K program. The trail was quiet, we were wearing our layers, and it was hard work.

But we did it.

We took a little longer between jogging intervals than is prescribed, and we jogged at a nice, easy pace, but we completed our training for today and were on the trail for a total of 57 minutes and 18 seconds.

During our session, we talked about frustrations of weight and eating and trying to find the balance of a healthy lifestyle. Even though we both see that we're making progress (the first week, forty-five seconds of jogging just about killed me), we don't feel like we're seeing the physical evidence we'd like to see.

For me, I still have wa-a-a-ay too much flab on my belly, my underarms, and my inner thighs. While I've decreased my clothing size and things do fit better than they did before, I'm not seeing what I want to see.

I mean, I want to see progress. Progress! I want to see a flat belly, a distinct six-pack. I want a belly that deserves jewelry, I tell ya! Every morning, I wake up, and just about the first thing I do is grab my gut. Is it getting any smaller? Am I shrinking? Am I wasting away to practically nothing?

The problem is that I feel like I've hit this plateau. The real problem is that I'm obsessing about it. I don't want to obsess about it. I just want to get svelte. I just want this almost-forty body to look like it's 18. I just want to be drop-dead gorgeous. Is that too much to ask?

Tomorrow, I'll walk with my kids. The day after that, I'll walk with my kids. And the day after that, I'll run with Kim. I have to. Kim went and told a couple that we see on the trail every day that we're training for the spring 5K. Way to go, Kimmie (I can call you Kimmie, right? That's what Julia called you when I picked up the club card). Now we're commited.

My next big choice...do I eat a salad or a Whopper?

Week three, look out. We're coming at you fast and furious.